RI Day 3 - Lovable Farms, Literal High Points, and Lots of Laughs

Today I drove to essentially three corners of the state of Rhode Island and it only took me two hours of total driving time. It's a very convenient state to indulge your sense of exploration.

Corner #1: I started by driving to Coastal Roasters in Tiverton (which is near the SE corner of the state). The coffee was a house blend and very good, but the large was 32 oz which, while my own fault, was a little too much for me. The value is great though which can't be denied. Fun Fact: Because of the rate at which your body absorbs caffeine, you don't actually get more caffeine from a large coffee versus a small coffee if you drink them in the same amount of time, you just pee out the extra caffeine you didn't absorb. So unless you like the taste of coffee or want to meter it out, if you actually want a caffeine boost you should get an extra espresso shot in a smaller amount of liquid. To be fair the placebo effect is pretty real though, so I guess if I hadn't told you this and you thought you were getting more caffeine you'd still get an artificial energy boost. My bad for spoilers.

With more than enough coffee, I went to the Fantastic Umbrella Factory in Charlestown. I didn't actually read much about it was, but just liked the name so much I had to go. I was very glad I did though because it turned out to almost be a (slightly) less weird Rhode Island equivalent of Nervous Nellie's Jams and Jellies. It's not actually a factory, but a farm that's been around for over two hundred years with six small shops and a cafe. Not all the shops were open when I got there, but the ones I saw were really cool. Lots of local artists and artisans displaying their works and crafts. There were statues everywhere, and a lot of livestock running around. Including emus!

They also had some impressive flowers and a bamboo jungle, if you prefer less sentient life. There's something for everyone there and I think it might be my favorite attraction so far.

Corner #2: From there I went up to the NW corner of the state to see the highest point in RI, which conveniently is the lowest high point of any state so it's pretty easy to get to. Apparently up until recently the guy that owned the land the high point is on hated people trespassing on his property and would bully people off if they tried to reach it. Luckily, he sold the property and the new owners are down with people going up. It's in a forest though, so it's not a great view of the state but it's still cool to say you've done it.

The high point is in a town called Foster, and in the neighboring town of Glocester I went to see a plaque to commemorate the death little Betty the Learned Elephant. Apparently she was one of the first elephants in the United states, and she got so popular that a bunch of people associated with the Masonic order shot her death because they felt she had become a false idol. You can't make up crazy shit like this.

Corner #3: After engaging with the weirder side of RI history, I decided to try out a few culinary specialities and explore a bit more of Providence. I really got to see the friendly side of the state.

My gastronomical adventuring started with Olneyville New York System Hot Weiners. It's a world renowned hot dog restaurant, and it's definitely the best hot dog I've ever had. The guy serving me was amazingly friendly and proud of his restaurant so he was really enthusiastic for me to be trying it for the first time. He also gave me some free coffee milk because that's another RI tradition I had to try. I really didn't think I would like it, because I get overwhelmed by drinking straight milk, but it's basically like a really milked up ice coffee.

That made me want the real thing, so I went to a hipster-y cafe I heard was good called White Electric. There I got a latte that used coffee milk, and it was incredible. The place had a cool small vibe, definitely people working on indie screenplays in there.

Inspired by a poster on the wall of a White Electric Coffee Stout, I continued my beverage word ladder and went to the Revival Brewery in nearby Cranston, where the coffee shop has partenerd with to make that stout. It's a microbrewery partnered with a BBQ restaurant which is already kinda cool, but even cooler is that the tasting room is like a cool hangout space in the basement, with a bar, couches, and video games (they were playing mario kart while i was there which was pretty sweet).And the best part is that all the beers are really good too. I tasted six of them: a fruity berliner weize, an IPA, a porter, a pilsner, the octoberfest, and the coffee stout. The stout was my favorite, followed by the octoberfest and surprisingly (at least to me because I normally think lighter beers are kinda lame) the pilsner. Everything was good though and the bartender was really nice and we ended up chatting for a while. She was 8 1/2 months pregnant so we talked about that, and how frustrating it must be to be around good beer all day and not be able to drink it. It was a great place to hang out.

Then, at one of my friend's suggestions, I went to Baja's Burritos back in Providence. I got carnitas which is always my burrito go to, and I was not disappointed. It was nice being in a city that actually has a prominent latinx community, because good burritos are hard to come by when you're surrounded by white people all the time. Chipotle is fine when you live in the suburbs and you can't do better, but it's hard to look back when real Mexican restaurants give you bigger burritos that taste better and are usually also somehow cheaper.

I then went to the bar the mic was going to be in, The Black Duck Tavern, a little early because I was told this mic was very popular so it helps. I ended up getting a pretty decent spot in the lineup but I'm glad another comic had given me the heads up because there were a lot more performers at this mic than any other so far. A good mix of new and old faces from the previous nights, and once again I found everyone to be really friendly and supportive. Probably moreso in Providence than anywhere else I've been other than Burlington.

This mic is bi-weekly and the bar is pretty new and really nice. It was bought by the people that own the Comedy Connection, probably the most prominent comedy club in the state, so that's why it's proved so popular, because besides from being a good bar, I think a lot of performers hope that if they do well there they might get booked for a paid gig. It's smart of the comedy club to farm new talent and then also turn a profit on drink sales.

Because there were so many comics, this was easily the best crowd of any night, and there were even a few people coming and going throughout the night who weren't comics but would stay to watch. That kind of audience energy really made for a fun show to perform in, and I also think the other comics felt it too.

I thought this was the most consistently strong RI mic I've seen so far. You got the strong impression that even if people were still working on new material, they were all reasonably seasoned performers. I was very shocked and impressed to find that one of the comedians I complimented yesterday (who did very well again tonight) Vicki Porter, has only been performing for two months. She'll definitely be someone to watch out for. I also got to talk to her a bit before the show, and she's just super nice to boot.

I think my favorite comic of the night was James Creelman. He did the absolute silliest set I've seen so far (excepting of course the Clam Man). He did mostly one liners with some more absurdist elements like silly voices, facial expressions, and physicality, but he totally pulled it off. My favorite joke of his was "They say time heals all wounds. Then why is every ambulance always in such a rush?"

Everyone I'd seen before continued to be strong and some new people I saw and really liked were: Adrian Morse, who told some jokes about being a short guy on Tinder that were horribly relatable, Trevor Dion, who had really funny stuff about losing weight and still being considered fat, and Eric Monroe, who had a great bit about being a black guy who smokes a lot and thus having lungs that were more stereotypically black than he was. All in all though it was a great night of comedy.

I also think this is one of the best sets I've done so far. I've been having a lot of luck doing shorter, sillier bits that are just on the edge of being kind of dirty. I don't know if that says more about New England's sense of humor or just what kind of jokes my face and voice are best suited for. I usually work shop new jokes with one or two of my cousins because I'll call them anyway when I'm going insane alone on the road, so I tried some of the jokes they've been liking the most and they were a good barometer because they went over really well. I opened with a one liner that is one of my personal favorites, but didn't do so well as a tweet, so it was nice to see it get a good reaction when it's done out loud. Funny how some jokes can work in writing or vocally, and some really can only be one or the other. Two women who just happened to be in the audience liked it enough to tell me so after the show, so that was super validating and then I ended up chatting with them for a while and it was cool getting to hear their stories a bit. Even though they had no connection to any of the comics, they both like supporting creative people, because one of them has a daughter who's doing youth theater stuff with trinity rep and the other works in television production so both of them had really interesting stories to tell. It's odd but when I was talking to my dad, who's a musician, earlier, he was saying that connecting with people who like what you do after a performance is one of the best feelings in the world, and now that it's happened I'm inclined to agree.

I'm really annoyed with myself, but I didn't catch the name of the comedian who told what I thought was the best joke of the night, but she was also really great. Here's the joke anyways, and if anyone recognizes it and knows her name I'd love to give her full credit. "I have a really bad memory. I don't know when that started"

Favorite Random Sightings: "Honk it's Mom's Birthday!"; "Home of the Fresh Bagel"; Dentistry with Heart; the craziest ad I've ever seen for a hospital proclaiming "Where babies prefer to be born"; A sign on the side of the road saying "The Devil Comes To Kill, Steal, and Destroy"

Regional Observations: The roads in Rhode Island are in the worst repair of any state I've been to except maybe MA, but they're soon going to start a big project to fix most a lot of them. Naturally it's called Rhode Works, which I love

Albums Listened To: Chubby Checker Classics: Limbo Rock; City & Eastern Songs by Jeffrey and Jack Lewis; The Clash by the Clash; The Clash On Broadway by the Clash; The Classics by Richie Havens; Clint Eastwood (single) by Gorillaz; Close My Eyes by the Slackers (I love them); The Closed Loop by Sic & Mad.

People's Favorite Jokes:

What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts

What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts

What do you call nuts on your chin? A dick in your mouth

Did you hear there's a new drug for lesbians? Tridixagen (lotsa dick jokes today)

Song of the Day: