NM Day 6 - Caverns and Comedy
Today started with a trip back to Stellar Coffee Co., because Roswell’s not particularly big so there aren’t many coffee shops. The coffee was just as good as yesterday but today I also got a particularly great breakfast burrito. It had your classic breakfast staples of eggs, bacon, and cheddar, but with some green chile thrown in for some New Mexico flair that really put it over the top.
After breakfast and coffee, I set sail for the most famous cave in New Mexico and maybe in the world, Carlsbad Cavern. Even before I got to the cave proper, the above ground portion of the national park was still a sight to behold. Rolling plains and funky cacti as far as the eye could see.
After talking to the park rangers about the best way to tackle the caverns for someone of my minimal spelunking capacities. They said there was an elevator I could take to the main room of the caverns, or I could take the natural entrance which adds about a mile and a half and 700 ft drop in elevation. I was told though that going downhill was pretty gentle as long as I wasn’t pregnant or had a heart condition. Because to my knowledge I have no heart problems or uterus, I decided to stretch my legs and my comfort zone and go for the natural entrance trail. I’m glad I made this call because just seeing the entrance was sort of awe-inspiring in its own way. I can’t even imagine what it must have been like being a Native American or early pioneer and just stumbling across this huge hole in the ground that seems to lead on forever. It must have seemed like a portal to another world. There were also little birds fluttering around the entrance which was pretty neat, though I’m not sure if you can tell from the photos. A lot of the other tourists thought they were bats, which are probably the most famous residents of the caverns, but the free audio guide informed up they aren’t normally up that early.
Even if the bats weren’t around there was at least one pretty big indication that they’d been around, which I have to say was probably the least scenic part of my expedition. Batshit, or guano to pardon my French, is actually super important as a biofuel and a fertilizer so it was actually the bread and butter of the cave before it became protected as a National Park, and mining it was a big factor in a lot of the rooms getting explored and excavated. One man’s turds is another man’s treasures.
The walk down from the entrance was very winding and gentle so even though it covered a lot of vertical ground it never felt like it was too steep or overwhelming. It was a little mesmerizing watching that giant hole of an entrance get smaller and smaller the deeper you got. Even though I knew the cave was going to be big, it’s still unbelievable just how much it keeps going and going.
Once things generally level off vertical-wise, that’s when the fun really begins as you start getting into the heart of the cave and the rock formations get more and more impressive. That’s really Carlsbad’s claim to fame, because, as massive as it is, it’s not the longest or deepest cave in the world or even the US. What it lacks in size however, it makes up for in pure otherworldly beauty. It really looks like another planet down there. Besides your classic stalactites and stalagmites, there were also rock formations I hadn’t heard of before called cave popcorn and whale’s mouth.
Probably the most impressive formation to me though were the pillars, which is what it’s called when stalactites and stalagmites meet up and connect. It might seem sort of simple but that kind of thing takes thousands and thousands of years. There’s something kind of oddly romantic about these two lumps of rock just slowly building up to one another, a single tiny drip of water at a time. Or maybe I’m reading too much into it, but it’s still pretty neat to look at it.
After about a mile you get to where the elevator is. It’s sort of like the lobby of the cave, and there’s places for you to take a potty break, grab some snacks or water, and even buy souvenirs. It’s sort of surreal to find a gift shop 700 feet underground.
Instead of taking the elevator or turning around, I figured as long as I was down here I’d really do it right, so I decided to take the Big Room Trail, which is probably the most famous trail and conveniently the only one you can do without a tour guide. It’s about another 1.25 miles but there’s a short cut to loop back around halfway through if you’re really spelunked out. I was so glad I decided to take this trail, because all of the incredible rock formations from before are still present, but even bigger and in more complex shapes and varieties. There’s even whole underground lakes down there! Being a cave it was kind of dark, so I know my photos can’t possibly do it justice, but it was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been on earth. There was also an interesting tidbit I got from the audio tour that scientists recently discovered a strain of bacteria in the lakes down there that might have cancer fighting properties. It’s a testament to how weird and incredible nature can be that anything can live down there at all let alone that it might be the key to helping us live up here. It’s also to me an important reminder of why we need the National Parks. There is honestly a case to be made that the caverns and other parks should be preserved just because of their immense natural beauty, but there’s also so much value in just keeping places around where nature can be allowed to just be nature, because for all the progress humans have made as a species, there’s still vastly more that we don’t know than we do know. That bacteria has been there for millennia, but we’ve only had microscopes for a few hundred years, and we’ve known how to study cancer for much less time than that. There was a real chance this potentially useful bacteria could have been wiped out by overzealous guano miners in the 20s and we never would have known about it, because we wouldn’t have even known to look for it. Who knows what kinds of things nature is just doing and creating right under our noses that we have no clue about?
Besides all the incredible sights, the other most impressive thing to me about the caverns was that the first person to really explore them was a 15 year old boy named James White, who saw a bunch of bats flying out of a hole in the ground and decided that if that many bats were comin’ outta there it must be pretty darn big and he wanted to see it for himself. This was 1898 though, so he had to grab a lantern and a rope ladder. Let that sink in for a moment, the first person to start mapping the caverns was 15 year old kid in a pitch black cave who could only use one hand because the other hand had to hold a lantern filled with live fire. The fact that he survived one expedition let alone several is mind-blowing, but if it seems a little too unbelievable the caverns still have some of those original rope ladders to prove it.
After doing the Big Room Trail, I went to check out this elevator I’d been hearing so much about, but the line for it was so long that the expected wait was over an hour. I knew I would surely go mad just standing in a cave line for that long, so I decided to do something I normally try to avoid at all costs: Walk uphill. The trail to the natural entrance that had seemed so gently winding going down was now a real workout. I do think it would be a decent chunk of exercise even if you are in a good shape, but for me it was especially grueling. I took solace though in the still pretty incredible sights now viewed from new angles, and also getting to hear much grumpier little kids complaining about not taking the elevator up. My favorite was this adorable grouch of a kid who responded to her mom’s advice of “Just look up and see pretty it is” with the incredible line “I’m not looking again ever!” That’s commitment!
Drenched in sweat, I finally emerged from the depths of the underworld and decided I had earned some dinner. I went to a great no-frills BBQ restaurant called Danny’s Place, because they were known for giving huge portions of good food for low low prices. They did not disappoint on any front. I got a Ribs plate, with some deliciously sticky mesquite rub on the ribs, a side of mash with white gravy, and some fried bread rolls that threatened the steal the whole show. It was the perfect meal to bring me back to the world of the surface dwellers.
After dinner, I went to a brewery called Milton’s Brewing, where my friend, Johnny, had scored me a gig. Milton’s was an amazing venue, and I feel like I would have loved the place even if they weren’t giving me free drinks. The service was excellent, the beers were great, and they had a pop-up food truck out back that was making some delicious looking nachos that almost made wish I hadn’t eaten before hand. It’s also the only real craft brewery in town, and you can tell the guys running it have put a ton of love into making the place cozy and homey for people to come, knock back a few, and take in different shows. For beers, I tried their Bellydragger Brown Ale, Hoprunner Hefeweizen, and Frijole Mole Stout. The stout was the most interesting with a hint of spicy chile flavor balanced by rich chocolatey-ness, but there was something about the Brown Ale that was just simply and perfectly executed.
As much as I loved the place, the gig was sort of an odd one. Not bad, but odd. Normally they do an open mic on Saturday nights, that Johnny thought he’d be getting me a featured spot on, but this particular week they had a really excellent folk and blues guitarist named Chris Long who was doing two sets and I was going to be his intermission performer. Chris was unimpeachable, a great player and singer, and a super nice dude to boot. The problem was when I heard I’d be doing 15-20 minutes at a brewery, I figured I’d be performing in front of a 21+ crowd and I could do all my best material, but because this brewery was such a good community spot it was actually filled with families hoping to enjoy a nice night of music. There were two babies right in the front row! So I quickly realized that, while the venue was incredibly accommodating and didn’t explicitly ask me to do this, I would have to be performing totally clean tonight or the crowd was just going to hate me, and I wouldn’t have blamed them. The problem was that I honestly didn’t know if I had that much totally clean material, so we were going to be finding out together. I can’t say I knocked it out of the park by any stretch, but somehow I managed to do about 18 squeaky clean minutes with enough laughs in there that I could feel good about it. It was kind of like a fever dream though, and I don’t even remember everything I said so i don’t know if I could do it again. It was very nerve-wracking because normally I feel pretty in control on stage, but I felt like each moment of audience approval was only as good as the last laugh and that I could lose them at any moment, which is hard enough even when you’re at least sure you’ll have another bit to say after the last one which I never was. All I really remember is that there was one old guy right up front, and just about everybody laughed at something at the very least, but not him. He just stared at me the whole time, and it still chills me just thinking about it.
Luckily though after I was done sweating for the second time today, I got to bring back Chris and he delivered another great set of tunes and all was right with the world, and people that were either bored or unamused by my brief interlude quickly forgot about it. I was pleasantly surprised to find that most of the people who were about my age actually thought I did a good job, and somehow seemed to mean that sincerely. Two guys even invited me to pull up a chair, and we spent the rest of the night drinking, swapping stories, and enjoying the music. It was a sort of perfect way to spend a Saturday night.
Favorite Random Sightings: Bows and Britches (not sure if the bows are for fiddles or arrows, but I really like the word Britches); Fat Dog Sound and Light; Inn of the Mountain Gods (so intense); Caveman Storage (for when you have too many cavemen!)
Regional Observations: You’ll just have to take my word for this, but inside Carlsbad Caverns has the most strangely pleasant smell
Albums Listened To: Roll With the Punches by Van Morrison (his recent output is just shocking, a lot of the album is pretty straightforward but every once in a while you get a flash of that old Van the Man greatness); Roots and Blues by Charles Mingus (excellent album); Roots, Branch, and Stem: Living Traditions in Ska by Various Artists; ‘Round About Midnight by Miles Davis (Miles’ Columbia Records debut, just an incredible band).
People’s Favorite Jokes:
None from today but here’s one from the internet:
What did the policeman say to his bellybutton? You’re under a vest!
Songs of the Day:
No one can top Sam Cooke’s version, but I really enjoy this especially the beginning when Van couldn’t care less about getting the name Spotify correct
Straight fire