Wisconsin Day 0 - Burgers, Best Buds, and Beasts
Today started with a 5 hour drive from outside the Twin Cities to Milwaukee in order to meet my best friend since childhood, James, and his sister, Julianne, who had planned to visit me during the Wisconsin week of my trip. James had visited me with his parents when I was in Nashville, but that had been over 6 months ago at this point and I think Julianne had felt the teensiest bit left out because she couldn’t get the time off from work back then, but now that it was summer, she wanted to get in on the globetrekking fun and do something nice for her brother all at the same time. I was incredibly excited to see them, but I had slightly overslept my alarm so I spent the first chunk of the day rushing to get to Wisconsin as fast as my little Nissan Versa could carry me.
Luckily, I arrived in Milwaukee in perfect time to get a big Midwestern lunch from the beer and cheese capital of the country. We met up at the Swingin’ Door Exchange, a fantastic bar and restaurant with a warm and welcoming old-timey saloon aesthetic that wowed us even before the food came. While we waited for our food we caught up and shared stories of what we’d been up to for the past 6 months, and, while I saw my actual family in Minneapolis, this also felt like getting to spend time with family and I think at one point both Julianne and I got a little teary eyed because it was just really nice to be all together after such a long time.
Before we got too sentimental though, our waiter put down some heaping helpings of meat and cheese for us to work on so conversation had to take a momentary pause. I ordered the beautiful and horrifying Big KC Burger which featured a 1/2lb. Black Angus burger piled high with cheddar cheese, grilled onions, shaved roast beef, bacon, and pepper-jack cheese on a fresh sesame roll. Each of three meats was incredible, even if stacking them all on top of one another is maybe a work of pure artery-clogging madness and the cheese was the first of many that would live up to the hype around Wisconsin’s finest dairy accomplishments. Throw in a perfectly toasted bun and some deliciously crispy fries and you’ve got one hell of an introductory lunch. James also got a french dip sandwich which was probably a slightly more sane way of trying out the restaurant’s roast beef, but he could also back me up on how good it was and we all left very full and very happy.
Don’t think for even one second that I didn’t furiously scrape off that mayonnaise before I ate my burger. I may have grown a lot on this trip, but there are some things that I simply can’t abide
After our massive lunch, we decided to make the most of our beautiful summer weather and spent the afternoon strolling around the Milwaukee County Zoo, which features an extensive menagerie of over 1800 animals across its 190 acre premises. We entered through the West Entrance which meant that the first habitat we were greeted with was Otter Passage. This habitat was one of the most recently opened and features not one but two (!) underwater viewing areas so that you can really see the otters going about their business up close on land and sea. The rocks and water features were so impressively designed and the otters were in such high spirits that it made for an excellent introduction to the what the zoo had to offer.
After the Otter Passage, the next few habitats were dedicated to animals native to North America. First up came some caribou who blended in surprisingly well to their grassy surroundings minus the impressive antlers sticking up over the greenery. It looked like a particularly enjoyable habitat if you, like these boys, are a fan of munching on leaves while you walk, and it was cool seeing them sort of jauntily strolling about.
Next up was an early highlight, the Grizzly Bear habitat. This was a highlight because normally when the animals at the zoo are asleep it’s a big disappointment , but in this case the way these giant goobers just conked the heck out wherever they lay, be it in giant bear sized hammocks or just sort of peeking out the door of their enclosure, actually only added to their charm. I know intellectually that bears are highly evolved killing machines, but it’s really hard to believe that when you see them snoozing on a big ol’ swing just really tuckered out by the warm weather. More than any of the other animals there, you really got the impression that these guys were living the good life.
Next up was a large enclosure filled with Elk. At first we couldn’t see any, but then we caught some young fellas nestled in the shade of the guard rail. They looked cozy, but compared to just how peaceful the sleepy grizzlies Iooked I guess there’s a certain degree of relaxed that you can only get to if you’re on the top of the food chain.
After the elks, we moved to the Prairie Dog habitat, where one little guy stood as being just way more intensely stoic than you’d expect. I have no idea what he was actually doing up there on his log, but he looked like a vigilant British sentry keeping an eye out for any intruders and you couldn’t help but laugh at the incongruence between his stern countenance and his fuzzy little body.
Next up we visited some less land-bound animals, starting with harbor seals. The habitat was designed so that you could get views of the seals in and out of the crystalline blue water, and it’s always kinda funny to see just how graceful they are underwater when they just sort of goofily flop around on land. It was a really pretty enclosure and we definitely got just the tiniest bit mesmerized by watching them in the water.
On the other side of the seal enclosure was the Polar Bear habitat, which has the distinction of being the location of the second ever successful Polar Bear birth in captivity. I think we only saw one Polar Bear, but he was a total ham for all the attention he was getting, so he being super playful. We got to see him jump into the water, swim around a bit, and even shake himself dry like a half ton puppy. It was quite a show, and not something you get to see everywhere which was exciting, but my favorite part is that, if you look in the bottom two photos I took, I swear you can see the polar bear just cracking himself up which is just awesome.
Next up we moved to the African wing of the zoo which started with the Rhino enclosure. There must have been something about the mid-afternoon hour, but the rhinos were one more animal that had just totally passed out in the shade. Chalk them up as one more giant animal that could easily kill you but would just so much rather be a big lazy lump.
The next habitat was filled with a livelier bunch of characters, the giraffes. Giraffes are Julian and James’ mom favorite animal so we were excited to see them and get some good pictures for her. It helped that they were clearly used to entertaining guests, and they came right up to the visitors eating leaves, trotting around, and being silly. One giraffe even too a massive and vigorous pee mere inches away from everyone without even a hint of shame which is just a prime zoo-going experience.
While the giraffe pissing with abandon easily made me laugh the hardest, this guy casually peeking out between the branches of a tree was pretty adorable.
After the giraffes, we moved on to the big cat house where we got to see hyenas (which I didn’t realize were related to cats), ocelots, and cheetahs as they stalked around their glass enclosures. They’re beautiful animals, but they always kind of creep me out because they have such knowing looks like they’re plotting what they’ll do the second they get out of there.
When we left the big cat house, we noticed that the giraffes had a big container full of bouncy balls and we didn’t even see them play with them once which felt like a huge cheat.
Up next was a habitat meant to resemble a watering hole in the African Savannah which featured a rag tag group of animal misfits including tapirs, emus, and giant tortoises. Each animal was great to see on its own, but the fact they were all hanging out together, wallowing in mud, and lazing about in the sun made this a particularly enjoyable and quirky enclosure to watch.
Next up was the lion habitat which was huge and had a really design, but it almost too expansive to actually see the lions unless they came up close to the water. It might not be obvious on the first look but there’s actually one king of the jungle in this photo hanging out in the shade of the big tree.
Next up was a grassy haven free of predators where antelopes, including a colorful species called the bongo, and zebras could run free and wild.
Up next was a camel enclosure, and I’m always surprised by how floppy their humps look in real life because you always sort of expect them to be more stable since people ride on them and use them as pack animals. But then when you see them it seems shocking that any one ever had that thought, because they don’t exactly look like the most coordinated creatures in the world.
Last up in the African wing was the Red River Hog, a portly Pumbaa-looking creature that was really cute in an ugly sort of way. This habitat also featured some of my favorite signage I’ve maybe ever seen because “This little piggy… is a good mom!” are just not phrases you expect to see together and I have a hunch they probably would have liked if it was just the bit about being a good mom.
From there we moved on to the small South American habitat where we got to see some fluffy looking alpacas (who are apparently smaller than llamas though they are often mistaken for each other). I’m not sure I’ve ever seen the alpacas lying down like that but the way they just sort of fold themselves up was pretty impressive to me (which may or may not be an indication that I am out of shape).
Next up was my favorite part of any zoo or aquarium, the penguin exhibit. I just love these waddling little bozos, and we got to see them do a feeding so they all came tumbling over each other like Keystone Cops trying to be the first one to get some fish, which we all got a kick out of watching.
After the penguins we moved into the primate house, where we first greeted by tiny monkeys including tamarins and spider monkeys. These guys were very cute, and reminded me of the mogwais from Gremlins which is always a big plus.
My favorite apes are the orangutans because they’re generally very sweet natured and impressively orange, and the Milwaukee Zoo had an awesome old boy named Tommy who was described as “intelligent, shy, and gentle” and who’s favorite things include eating popcorn, building forts, and covering himself with sheets. A man after my own heart.
As we were leaving, we saw that the bears had finally woken up from their naps and they were still much cuter than apex predators have any right to be.
The zoo had a really cool sign out front so naturally I had to get a quick pic with my best friend:
At this point, I was in desperate need for coffee which neither James nor Julianne are the hugest fans of, but they indulged me and we went to a great local chain spot called Stone Creek Coffee which had a very homey atmosphere and a good strong brew.
Re-caffeinated, we made our way to our Air BnB to put our stuff down and just veg for a bit, before continuing to explore the city.
The next stop for us today was the Milwaukee Ale House which let us sample more great local food and drink but also gave us some truly spectacular views of the sun-setting over the Milwaukee River so we got to satisfy our sight-seeing itch and our rumbling bellies all in one fell swoop.
Somehow even after such a massive lunch, we still went all out with dinner, because as we kept assuring ourselves “it’s a vacation and who knows when we’ll be back” so we didn’t want to leave any classic culinary stone unturned. That means our first order of business was to get an appetizer of beer battered cheese curds for the table because that felt like a pretty uniquely delicious delicacy that we simply couldn’t pass up. While it’s probably best not to think too hard about what a deep fried cheese curd truly is, they were truly one of the most amazingly tasty things I’ve every eaten just lighting up all the comfort food receptors in our brains in warm cheesy waves of goodness.
The curds were a tough opening act to follow, but for dinner I had the Cowboy’s Demise Burger which did not disappoint. The sizable angus beef patty is complimented by a heaping pile of house amber ale infused BBQ pulled pork, a beautiful slice of cheddar cheese, and crunchy onion straws. The amount of meat I ate today was truly kind of horrifying, but damn if it wasn’t a mighty fine burger with some of the tendered and tangiest pulled pork I’d had since being in the BBQ haven of the south. To wash down my decadent burger, I ordered the most unusual sounding of their house beers, Weekend at Louie's, which is an amber ale infused with blueberry and hibiscus tea during the fermentation process. I was intrigued if skeptical, but it was actually really good with an interesting fruity taste at first from the teas followed by a nice malty body which was refreshingly more beer-like.
It might seem shocking that we opted for dessert after all this, but we thought since there was three of us splitting it, how could we resist getting a giant deep dish chocolate chip cookie smothered in chocolate sauce and vanilla ice cream?
Somehow in a lull between stuffing my face, I was able to take a really nice picture of my best bud in front of the river while he was most likely in the middle of stumping me with some challenging Hey Arnold Trivia.
Julianne, who is much smarter than I am about these sort of things, noticed my clumsy photography, and enlisted another random diner to take an actually good photo of the three of us. You can tell this was before our food arrived, because we still look excited and full of energy as opposed to being in cheese comas as we all soon would be.
After dinner, we took a short walk along the river and marveled at how Milwaukee was actually a really architecturally beautiful city with more old Boston-y brick buildings than we had been expecting to see so far from home.
When we got back to the Air BnB, James and I watched the (at the time) new Pee-Wee Herman movie, Pee-Wee’s Big Holiday that had been released on Netflix. Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure had been a pretty big part of our childhood’s so we were pleasantly surprised by how much the new movie still managed to capture a lot of the humor, camp, and delightful absurdity of the original, despite Paul Reubens being 64 years old at the time of re-embodying his decidedly child-like creation. Much like deep fried cheese curds, the movie sounded like a recipe for disaster but easily won over our hearts. And what better way of ending a day is there than watching a good movie with an old friend.
Favorite Random Sightings: Slumberland Furniture (sounds oddly fantastical); a giant billboard that said “Milwaukee: Fun Ahead”; an advertisement for the Falls Motel that just said “Check our reviews” (like they’re basically saying “you do the work, we’re not just gonna tell you what they say”); a job recruiter intensely called MANPOWER; a food truck called Ooz: For the Love of Cheese
Regional Observations: Based on these signs on the trash receptacles near our AirBnB, the city of Milwaukee just doesn’t want people to have fun:
as long as it’s not loose though, anything goes
Albums Listened To: I continued to listen to my audiobook on the drive up, but once Jame, Julianne, and I were together we switched to a soundtrack of almost exclusively Muppet songs because I believe that might be James’ favorite genre of music and it’s one of my tops as well.
Joke of the Day:
A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.
"You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo."
She said, "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words." She then asked Bobby what he had done. "I read a book," he replied.
"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the Shit."
Song of the Day:
Maybe the finest road trip song in the American canon