WI Day 7 - Trolls, Treasures, and Trippy Tourist Traps
I started my last day in Wisconsin by getting coffee and breakfast at fabulously named Bodacious Brew in Janesville. I got a great cheese and egg bagel sandwich, a good strong iced coffee, and even some of the first fruits I’d eaten in weeks. A very bodacious breakfast indeed!
My next stop was to visit the fun and funky claim to fame for the town of Mount Horeb, an off-road of the highway decorated with elaborate giant carvings of Trolls affectionately referred to as the Mount Horeb Trollway. The Trollway began in the 1970s when a Scandinavian import store called Open House Imports ordered some authentic troll statues from Norway and put them on their front lawn to attract visitors. The trolls ended up becoming a popular roadside attraction for passing truckers who would make jokes to each other over their CB radios like “I just passed your mother-in-law on Highway 18/151” whenever they drove by. A few years later a major byway was built that would divert traffic away from the town, so when the local Chamber of Commerce was thinking of ways to attract business they remembered how much of a kick the truckers got out of the trolls and decided to really lean into the silliness. They commissioned a local woodcarver named Michael Feeney to make more trolls and were so pleased with his handiwork that they kept giving him more commissions until the Trollway as it is today was born. Currently, the Trollway has over 30 trolls around the town and inside local businesses, and they all have such distinct and varied personalities that as bizarre as they are it’s hard not to be charmed by the town embracing their Scandinavian heritage in such a unique and goofy way.
My personal favorite troll was a giant boy called the Tree Trunk Troll because he had that perfect fairy tale mix of sweetness and monstrous-ness, and I loved how you couldn’t really tell where the carving began and where the natural knotiness of the wood ended.
Next up, I drove up the delightfully spooky driveway to see one of the Great American Roadside Attractions, which truly needs to be seen to be believed: The House on the Rock. This bizarre and singular vision was the brainchild of Alex Jordan Jr., a young eccentric with a restless energy, who drifted from job to job until discovering his passion in life. While hiking, Alex fell in love with the 60 ft. stone column called Deer Shelter and would camp there regularly. Eventually, he got the notion that he would build a house on that rock and live there as his own private getaway. He leased the property from the owner and set about to work despite having no plan or prior architectural experience beyond the occasional construction job (he would describe the process of building the house as “one thing just sort of led to another”). Fortunately for Alex, beyond being a naturally beautiful location, the property also happened to be near a limestone quarry so he had most of the raw materials he needed right there, he just had to start lugging them and lug them he did. Inspired by fellow Wisconsin-native Frank Lloyd Wright, Alex’s distinctive-looking house wasn’t really like anything people had seen before and he was constantly attracting onlookers and spectators. At first, Alex was annoyed by the spectators and he thought it might deter them to charge an entrance fee to see the house, but people kept on coming. The visitors grew on Alex and unlocked a flair for showmanship in him, while also providing a source of income to keep adding new flights of fancy onto his home. Looking to dazzle guests, Alex kept adding more and more elaborate elements until The House on the Rock became the crazy maze of art, architecture, memorabilia, and childlike wonder that it is today.
I don’t want to spoil too much of what’s inside just yet, but unless you go out into the woods, it’s hard to really get a good picture that captures what the house actually looks like on the rock because it’s too big when you’re up close so here are some nice photos I found online of the exterior and the house’s striking signature Infinity Bridge.
Visiting the House on the Rock actually entails quite a bit more than just the eponymous house and rock, and the campus is surprisingly sprawling with several different attractions as well as some beautiful gardens. Depending on how much time you want to commit to, there are three different admissions that grant you access to different parts of the grounds, and since I didn’t have anything else planned for the day I went with the ultimate experience which came with everything.
The first exhibit was in the visitor center and was all aboutAlex and the origins of the House which was a helpful introduction for people like me who weren’t too familiar with the attraction (other than the fact that it is prominently featured in Neil Gaiman’s American Gods). Combined with the infographics, there were great old photographs from Alex’s life and sweet letters from his longtime partner, Jennie Olson.
Through the windows, I also got my first peek out over the House’s jaw-dropping gardens:
Some highlights from the intro gallery included: a rickety old lawn chair that Alex would sit in while supervising the construction of later additions to the House, which he refused to let anybody fix; photos of Alex’s pet goat named Lucifer (a perfect goat name); photos from the building of some of the more elaborate installations like the Organ Room and the Streets of Yesterday (even with a sneak peek, you’re not gonna believe these rooms when you actually see them); a photo of the attraction’s Mill House a separate house on the property designed to look like an old mill, complete with a gently spinning water wheel; a giant string of tickets that Alex saved from some of his early visitors; and a gorgeous photo of the colorful and elegant glass bottles that line one of the bathroom walls in the Mill House.
On one table, there was an original copy of the first House on the Rock promotional book which was a pretty neat piece of art in its own right. It also shows that even early on something about the House just sort of started attracting a kind of mythic quality to it.
Similarly, one wall had a really lovely painting of the House’s Infinity Bridge delicately balanced over the misty treetops.
Throughout the intro gallery, there were also various examples from Alex’s many collections that are spread throughout the House. These included Santa figures, stone sculptures, animatronic music players, medieval art, Asian Art, wood carvings, and vintage doll houses:
One of the larger and more unusual collections was a pretty sizable assemblage of different vintage carousel animals ranging from elaborate monsters to more classic horses which certainly added some interesting character to any rooms they popped up in. One of the rooms in the House is also home to what they say is the World’s Largest Carousel (though nobody’s quite sure if this claim is entirely true).
Lastly, there was a sweet tribute to Alex about his death in 1989, including his very Alex farewell portrait which he took while posing in the mouth of 200 ft. long sea monster sculpture he had commissioned for one of the rooms called the Heritage of the Sea. Quite the send off
Upon leaving the visitor center, my introduction to the House grounds proper began with a stroll through a small but lovely sculpture garden. Most of the sculptures were vaguely religious in some way and combined with a really beautiful carved pagoda gave the whole scene a really serene vibe.
Next up I visited the Gate House, which was an extension built on the original House once it became too popular of a tourist spot with not enough room to hold his ever-expanding collections.. Walking into the house, I was greeted with more highlights from Alex’s various collections. My favorites included: a funky abstract ceramic sculpture which may or may not have doubled as a planter; a sort of shocking armless centaur carousel seat; a Tiffany inspired (or possibly actually Tiffany, because nothing in the House is labeled so you never know what is real vs. artifice) stained glass lamp; some cheerful Asian ceramic figurines; a kind of spookily organic looking sculptural planter; and some lovingly crafted model ships.
The most jaw-droppingly impressive piece had to be this insane carved wooden warship that had beautifully intricate decorations on basically every inch of its surface.
Throughout all the rooms in the House were different exquisite hand-carved vintage music machines. Each guest was given a handful of tokens at the start (and if you happened to have change they’d take that too) so you could choose which ones you wanted to listen to as you went which added a fun interactive layer to all the charming oddness.
Inside the house, the main living room area looked like a bizarro version of a mid-20th century bachelor pad with shag carpeting on the ceiling (!) as well as the floor, lots of exposed rock, giant sofa lounges, and all sorts of hip and weird art and collectibles. Alex designed and built everything around the idea that the house should feel integrated with the nature around which is why so many of the nooks and crannies look like little rock walls and there are actual trees growing through the center of some rooms.
Highlights of random art around the Gate House included: a dynamic bronze sculpture of stags butting heads; dreamily psychedelic stained glass windows; and gorgeously elaborate carved folding screens.
Alex also decided he liked the aesthetic and ambience of a good stone fireplace so much that he built one in just about every room. You can feel the palpable sense of child-like wonder with which Alex gleefully pursued every flight of fancy while constructing, and that energy and sense of fun are contagious. I was already pretty delighted by the attraction at this point, but little did I know this was just the tip of the iceberg.
Upon entering the next room I was greeted by a wild construction called the Gate House Ensemble, a giant animatronic music machine inside the house that replicates an entire small chamber orchestra.
The ensemble in action:
Even the kitchen in the house looked sort of otherworldly, with Alex’s signature cantilevered windows really standing out:
On the top floor of the Gate House I got some spectacular views of the house, the gardens, and the surrounding woodlands (which seemed to stretch out forever):
Walking back down, I continued to be struck by the inventive uses of natural materials to add to both the structure and the aesthetics of the house..
The natural elements were also accompanied by somehow even more interesting art, with the highlights for me being some unusual bells, more intricately carved folding screens, and some fantastic stained glass:
Leaving the Gate House, I made my way to the Original House of the Rock. The two houses were connected by these these funky covered walkways that wove though the treetops really adding to the increasing sense of unreality of the place:
Before entering the Original House proper, I paid a visit to its most famous feature, The Infinity Room. The Infinity Room is a gravity-defying 218 ft. corridor that stretches out from the house allowing its over 3000 windows to give visitors unparalleled views of the forest below. It also happens to have a strange forced perspective (like that scary hallway in the Willy Wonka movie) and it wobbles ever so slightly as you walk down the corridor so visitors with any issues around claustrophobia, fear of heights, or vertigo best stay clear. There’s also the fact that again Alex was not a trained architect, but I suspect as much as he liked to promote the myth of him doing everything (or almost everything) himself on the house, he must have consulted someone to ensure the safety of the room otherwise I don’t think they would have continued to let people go there for the 30 plus years since it was first built.
As long as you’re not daunted by the more dizzying aspects of the Infinity Room, the vistas are truly breathtaking. There’s even a small window looking straight down at the very end of the hallway which is a view you almost never get of a forest so for all the anxiety it might provoke, the Room is a pretty special and unique place that is probably worth the price of admission on its own.
And it case you thought there must be some illusion or trickery at place and there’s no way it really just sticks out over the forest, here’s a photo of the Infinity taken from nearby that shows it in all its strange geometric glory.
After the Infinity Room, I made my way into the Original House. Similar to the Gate House, this house also featured Alex’s preferred blending of natural materials and Frank Lloyd Wright inspired architecture. Considering every design choice was largely improvised by Alex as he went along, the random elements went together surprisingly well, and there was a sort of dream logic that gave a surreal elegance to everything.
One room even had a whole little forest scene, complete with a vintage horse drawn buggy, just casually set up in an alcove.
The rooms in the original house were designed around different themes and moods. One room was inspired by the concept of Night, so everything was bather in cool dark blue light thanks to carefully tinted stained glass everywhere. Even the random knickknacks selected for this room had a more somber tone to them, and the whole ambience was somewhere between spooky and calming.
Walking up to the next floor, I passed by a large stone wishing well, which is not something I think I’ve ever seen inside anyone’s house before.
The next room was earthier and dominated by large stone pillars through and one of the larger of the house’s many fireplaces.
The centerpiece of the room was magnificent giant stained glass table with a wild dragon design. It was visually stunning, but I have to say I’d be scared to actually use it as a table in case putting anything on it might ruin it.
The table was just the tip of the iceberg, and the next rooms were filled with even more and more intricate stained glass windows, lampshades, and panels. It’s possible that some of them might have even been real Tiffany glass, but with everything in the house, the line between authenticity and artifice was awfully blurry but fake or not the craftsmanship was impressive.
Throughout the House, one of the largest collections after the stained glass was of Asian (or possibly just Asian-inspired) art ranging from porcelain figures to lacquered wooden carvings to ceramics to ornate bronze sculptures.
The second floor of the house offered more incredible views out over the grounds, with some funky ceramics to add extra character.
Walking down, out of the house I was greeted by somehow even more intricate stained glass:
Two of most classically beautiful pieces in the original house were these delicate bronze sculptures and this gorgeous old piano:
Leaving the house, I noticed this Japanese-inspired stone lantern that was really striking and a recurring fixture outside the main buildings.
Even when viewed from the outside, the house looked totally unique and unlike anywhere else I’d ever been:
From there, I started walking over to the next house on the grounds, The Mill House. Along the way, I got to appreciate the verdant woodlands at ground level:
From the outside I was intrigued by the Mill House right away thanks to even more stained glass and what seemed like a candelabra of hoses to water the yard:
But understandably one element of the house, it’s namesake, stood out just a bit more than any other feature:
As bizarre and whimsical as the Gate House and the Original House were, they seemed positively tame compared to the Mill House which really pulled out all the stops. At the point when he was building this house, the first two houses had already become successful tourist attractions so now he had the goal to entertain guests and the money to pursue any flight of fancy he wanted, so this house feels like it is the most unbridled expression of Alex’s imagination. Alex actually had a rule for himself that if guests didn’t say “wow” within 5 minutes of entering a room he would scrap everything and start over.
The wow factor started off somewhat subdued to warm you up but nonetheless impressive with some unusual highlights from Alex’s collections which included: a giant old fashioned fireplace bellows filled with mesmerizing glass paperweights (what home would be complete without them); a meticulously crafted model ship majestically placed on a high alcove so looks like it’s almost sailing over you; a full woodland scene featuring real taxidermied animals cheekily tucked into a window to give the illusion that it’s what you’re actually looking out over; and some really classy looking blown glass vessels adding some style to the real windows.
Not even the bathrooms were spared from Alex’s creativity, and the men’s room featured the most uncomfortable urinal I’ve ever encountered while the ladies room featured a stunning wall filled with caved wooden sections containing beautiful glassware. Very different gendered vibes.
After the bathroom, I was greeted by more antique music machines and some signs directing me towards the “Streets of Yesterday” so I took in some tinny old tunes and followed the pointing fingers.
From the second I walked into the Streets of Yesterday Exhibit all bets were now off, and the training wheels were off the House on the Rock as inside of a house there was suddenly a complete recreation of a 19th-century street with a red brick road and shops full of different themed antiques on either side of the road. Because of the twisting nature of the path up to the Mill House, there was no real indication that it wasn’t the size of a normal house so to suddenly step out into an entire small town was truly gobsmacking.
Each house on the street (again absolutely insane that there are several houses within the one house) doubled as a gallery space for one of Alex’s myriad collections. The first house I passed by was a vintage gun shop (definitely the first thing you want to see in any new town). While I don’t personally have much affinity for fire arms, I still really liked the display because some guns had really beautiful designs and others were so crazy looking that you had to remind yourself that at no point do you really know what is real or fake, which could be frustrating for any true aficionados but was pretty hilarious to me.
Up next was a display about the history of steam power, one of the driving forces behind the industrial revolution. The displays included impeccably detailed model trains, vintage steam whistles, and neat little scale replicas of different dynamos and steam-powered engines.
The next shop display was wonderfully insane and featured all sorts of horrifying vintage wind-up coin banks. This is truly a bizarre phase of consumer products, and a genuinely alarming number of the banks were in the shape of creepy figurines who for reason eat the coins you give them like that’s a totally reasonable thing for a bank to do.
Next up was a toy shop full of old porcelain dolls that I’m a 100% sure were all deeply haunted. While the craftsmanship on the dolls and their clothes was impressive, the cold dead stares were more than enough to give me the willies.
Leaving the shop though, there was this gorgeous old clock so that made it feel like the haunting was worth it.
Next up, I went to an alcove filled with all sort of funky sculptures and even a few suits of armor which naturally were a staple of small towns in the 19th century.
Up next was a bit of surprise in the form of a big display of Faberge Eggs. Based on the rarity and cost of these incredible works of jewelry, I have to assume that there’s no way they could all be authentic of, but this was the rare display to include certificates of authenticity with the pieces so at least some of them must have been the real deal. Either way, they were all far more ornate than the average egg has any right to be.
Walking to the next shop I passed by more music machines as well as different kinds of eccentric automatons which would play out funky scenes including magic acts and skeletons jumping out clocks to scare little old ladies. Y’know just classic 19th century entertainment.
Next up was another toy shop with slightly fewer creepy dolls (not that there weren’t any of course), but also more miniature toy carriages, animals, and puppets which kept things interesting.
Changing it up a bit from the different shops, the next stop along the Streets of Yesterday was a full old-timey firehouse complete with an improbable vintage firetruck and a sculpture of a dalmation loyally waiting under the firehouse card table.
Logically across from the fire house was the sheriff’s office, which looked like a classic replica old-timey jail except for the massively bananas decision to include a wooden carving of a severed head in a jar right on the sheriff’s desk. WHAT?
Up next was a clock shop filled with spectacular carved wooden clocks that were as much pieces of art as timepieces:
Next up was the town’s barbershop which was really charming. I liked that in olden days customers would bring porcelain mugs for mixing hot water and shaving cream and they’d be personalized for each person which is a nice bit of old fashioned whimsy.
The town pharmacy was up next complete with hilariously disturbing old advertisements for various snake oils and patent medicines. Highlights included: some sort of fig-based concoction called “Baby in a Bottle!”; jars that had once been filled with tapeworms (gross); and a belt that looked like some sort of torture device that would give wearers mild electric shocks to tone their muscles. People still buy all sorts of scam products today, but I still find it a little unbelievable that things like this were once huge fads.
There was also a giant stained glass display in the shape of an eye advertising glass eyes in a clever bit of recursion. Though given the size of the small town, the idea that the demand for glass eyes being large enough to warrant this is a tad alarming.
Throughout the street, there were windows filled with large figurines that were somewhere between charming and eerie, and they gave the whole street a feeling like you were in a giant cuckoo clock. It was fun though that anywhere you looked, you never really knew what you might see.
Next up were shops of various homegoods featuring really dazzling pieces of glass, ceramic, and silver:
The street even had a little church complete with its own stained glass windows:
And of course what street would be complete without an animatronic scene of a Sultan consulting a Necromancer (That’s how it’s labeled but the guy on the right just sort of waves his stick around so I’m not entirely sure where the necromancy comes into play, but the hookah work on the sultan is top notch).
At the end of the Streets of Yesterday, there were some more large-scale installations combining different elements from Alex’s varied collections. Things started off obviously enough with a swamp jug band jamboree featuring several taxidermied frogs drinking and jamming.
Next up was a gigantic animatronic scene featuring a large wooded hill and various characters who would move around at a trot when guests put a token in.
As crazy as the first two displays were, I was still not expecting the sheer size of the next two installations that were nearly as large as the whole room: an elaborate steam-powered locomotive and a Riverboat-themed calliope called the Gladiator which played patriotic music on a grand scale.
The Gladiator in action:
After the Streets of Yesterday, I entered the next room of the Mill House (that was all technically one room!) called the Heritage of the Sea, which featured nautically themed displays and installations. Things started humbly enough with some interesting pieces of seafaring memorabilia, including antique navigational instruments, carved stones and whalebones; and several delicately crafted model ships from different historic periods.
My favorites here included sculptures and paintings of whales because they really captured the animal’s mix of grandeur and goofiness.
These displays were just a warm-up though and Alex really revved up the craziness as you left the first room only to be greeted by a giant music machine called the Octopus’s Garden. Besides being a neat bit of sculptural work, the handsome cephalopod in the center actually moved around and played all the instruments himself.
You’ll never guess what song he played…
The centerpiece of the room though was the most insane and jaw-dropping part, featuring an over 200 ft. tall sculpture of a giant leviathan engaged in vicious combat with a kraken-sized octopus. The detail and scale of these two behemoths was unbelievable, and it was truly mind-blowing to realize that I was still in the same house I had walked in. The sculpture was so huge, you couldn’t even capture it all in one photo.
Looping around the central sea beasts, there were even more displays of aquatic paraphernalia. Things started off with a collection of sea travel necessities including tobacco cases, lighter, spittoons, and chamberpots.
In a bit of left-field turn, there were was also a giant meticulously decorated doll house on this floor of displays. I’m not sure if it was to show the kinds of houses people had when they weren’t away at sea or to show something exotic they might pick up on their travels or if there was no rhyme or reason to it and it was just there because Alex liked it, but it was impressive either way.
Next up was a display about the advent of modern technologies around the turn of the century (very tangentially related to sea travel), which included some great vintage radios, cameras, clocks, and music players.
As the exhibit looped around the center, they also gently sloped upward that at the end of a few loops you’d be at the top of the central sculpture. The next floor of exhibits were a bit more on theme, nautically speaking, featuring some really gorgeous scrimshaw carvings made on whale bones, walrus tusks, and ivory. I’m always conflicted about scrimshaw work because I do think there’s something really oddly beautiful about the color and texture of the materials which is difficult to reconcile with the often grisly ways in which it was obtained.
Next up were more excellent model ships with some bonus period outfits, naval weaponry, and art thrown in to add some extra depth to the display (albeit most likely somewhat fictionalized depth).
Reaching the top, not only was I able to marvel more fully at the center piece but I was also shocked to encounter a giant scale model of the Titanic right when it’s crashing into its fateful iceberg. You really never knew what was around any given corner in this place.
Random highlight from the various displays included: a really pretty and crazy detailed metal sculpture of a horse-drawn carriage; an adorably craggy old sea captain whittled out of wood (I can only hope by someone who also looked exactly like that); an actual ship in a bottle, which is also an impressively silly feat; and a really inexplicable patriotic carving of Lincoln and Washington etched onto a turtle shell for reasons that are not even close to explained.
Leaving the Heritage of the Sea Room, there were some last few displays about more practical matters of living at sea including navigation, breathing apparatuses, and how toilets were designed in different quarters (with some surprising luxury going into this last one).
In the hallway from the Heritage of the Sea to the next room, there was still plenty to see including an ornate wooden carriage, expertly crafted model trains, and more of those beautiful carved screens that were in the first two houses.
The next room was called Tribute To Nostalgia and was dedicated to anything and everything from the past that might have inspired childhood delight. Alex earned his “wow” pretty much as soon as I walked in and was greeted by a sloping path down to the main room with huge decorative hot air balloons filling the ceiling. Once I stopped looking up at all the balloons and looked down, I was greeted by a full German-inspired cottage and It really was like I had somehow stepped into a fantasy world. At this point, I also had no idea where on the grounds I could possibly be because the dream logic that seems to connect all these rooms had completely turned around any internal sense of directions I had. If you really want to enjoy the House on the Rock, you’ve got to just sort of surrender to it, because there’s no making any sense of it once you’re in there and that’s 100% part of the magic.
The path down to the floor level of the Nostalgia room was also filled with various display cases, and my favorite was obviously this ridiculous collection of vintage marionettes that fully straddled the uncanny valley of being cute and charming in some cases and fully horrifying in others.
Overlooking all the nostalgia, there was a sweet gleaming neon donut boy that used to stand outside a famous roadside diner called Dawn Donuts. Maybe it’s just me, but he almost seemed to have a religious aura about him like those donuts were a gift from the heavens.
My first stop on the floor level of Nostalgia was an old-timey camera shop which featured multiple layers of nostalgia in that there was both vintage technology and great old photographs taken with that technology so both the spirt and the image of another time was on full display.
Another shop featured all sorts of antique children’s toys, with these funky old toy cars being stand out just as much for their packaging as the toys themeselves:
Inside the little Bavarian cottage I saw from above I was greeted with this exquisite stained glass nature scene that really blew me away:
All around the room, there were all sorts of vintage vehicles and modes of transportation. My favorites included: a car with an exterior entirely covered in ceramic tiles (beautiful to look, positively disastrous if it ever crashed); a sleek looking old car that made me think of mobster movies; a life-sized Little Engine that Could; and a motor that is supposedly from a plane once flown by the great American hero/Nazi sympathizer (as is often the case it would be nice if history were different), Charles Lindbergh.
There was also a beautifully painted and carved rolling music machine carriage that probably added some tunes to circus parades back in its glory days:
This room also had a shockingly elaborate doll house, this time in the form of a gigantic brick and stone mansion. I have no idea if it’s based on a real home somewhere out in the world but it is an impressive and whimsical bit of architecture even in miniature.
Naturally the Tribute to Nostalgia ended with a full sized 1950s-inspired pizza joint called Rozino’s Pizza. It was cafeteria-style so I wasn’t really too too excited by the food offerings, but I loved the vibe of the place and plus they had local beers on tap, so I was able to get a nice pint of Spotted Cow (possibly my favorite WI beer) and rest my feet a bit after a couple hours of walking around this strange wonderland.
I think after having a little bit of beer it’s possible that the rest of the host just seemed to get more surreal, but with stuff like this on the walls I think most likely it wasn’t just me:
What in the world does “Do the dead materialize the absorbing question of all time” even mean?
Leaving the Pizzeria, I was greeted with a grand and opulent box office that served as the entrance to the next section of the house called The Music of Yesterday. Even if it was just an introductory facade, it was pretty spectacular with all sorts of decorative flourishes and musical statues to warm you up for the wonders within/
The Music of Yesterday was a series of rooms filled with gigantic full room music machine installations connected by hallways with various displays so that were interesting in their own right and also served as a little cool down before each music machine so they could all individually wow visitors.
Things started off in a very folksy fashion with animatronic caravans filled with self-playing accordions, drums, and strings. Everything had very soft jazz club-esque lighting, that leant these early rooms a gently enchanting atmosphere.
Adding to this ambiance were some of the most incredible stained glass windows I’d encountered so far:
My favorite was this window that had a full landscape of stone buildings at its center:
Revving up the glitz and glamour, the next music machine was a full baroque chamber orchestra housed in a palatial ballroom. There were even large vanity mirrors that reflected the ensemble in all its glory.
I found a video of this room that gives you a good idea of its splendor, but doesn’t really show you much of what the music sounds like. The kids of whoever uploaded it are funny though so that’s a plus, and I can attest that one of the best parts of the House on the Rock was witnessing children’s reactions to all the strangeness.
Keeping up the classiness of the ballroom, the hallway to the next music machine featured some really snazzy antique espresso machines and dozens of gorgeous ceramic coffee cups:
There were also some window displays of hundreds of pressed butterflies (which weirdly does feel like a rich Victorian hobby). Depending on how you look at them, these were either beautiful showcases of the variety of the natural world or a bunch of gross dead bugs. Personally I was somewhere in the middle of that continuum, but the fact that there is somehow even more collections contained within this one house is impressive regardless.
Next I passed by this super cool tableaux that was like a 3-dimensional painting landscape painting combing a painted backdrop with expertly sculpted miniature houses and river boats for a really brilliant effect.
The next music machine room was inspired by East Asian art, though since it’s named after Gilbert and Sullivan’s The Mikado, it’s safe to say it’s more inspired by the idea of East Asian art without necessarily a ton of research going into it. That being said, the actual Asian art in the displays leading up to the music room was incredible.
My favorite pieces were these insanely intricate carved elephant tusks which featured a truly mind-boggling attention to detail in crafting so many distinct features whilst somehow leaving the tusk ultimately intact.
The actual Mikado music machine blew the other rooms out of the water in terms of scale and size and it seemed to tower up at least two whole floors. It was hard to tell where sculptural and functional elements began and ended and you never knew which parts might start moving and playing music.
At the center of the machine, these stern looking musicians seemed to be calling the shots and judging all the visitors.
For some bonkers reason, the Mikado played a French orchestra piece called the Danse Macabre which is notably neither Asian nor from the Mikado so you’re guess is as good as mine. What a marvelously ludicrous place.
After the Mikado, the machines somehow only got bigger and more elaborate and the next one was a three storied orchestra that reminded me of some mad European mansion while it glimmered and played The Blue Danube.
For scale, you can tell the machine is massive because it dwarves even a full sized fake tree that was added for decoration.
Here it is in action:
Even when the music machines were on a smaller scale they were still positively bananas as demonstrated by this wild contraption featuring a hellish looking monkey playing a sitar while a big fluffy bear plated the violin.
Leading up the music room there were even more displays of various trinkets and oddities. Highlights for me included: a case full of various swords; a mock-up of stained glass workshop; an antique agricultural harvester casually resting in a display case; even more ships-in-bottles; gorgeous ceramic figurines; a window full of vintage cash registers; some very elegant glass tableware sets; and really lovely arrangements of various shells. You just never knew what was around any given bend.
Next up was the Nutcracker Room which featured a gigantic animatronic orchestra that played selections from the Nutcracker in a crazy room filled with about a hundred chandeliers casting a soft red glow over everything. There were also stuffed lions and tigers just in case all the chandeliers weren’t a big enough wow factor on their own.
Naturally the central chandelier hanging from the ceiling was the most opulent of all:
The madness in action:
Sadly I lost my photos of this one, but last but not least was a full robot orchestra of animatronic figures belting out various tunes. Luckily some kind person put a video on Youtube of the automatons doing their thing:
The next section of the house was the most recent addition added after Alex’s death by his like-minded friend Art Donaldson who took over the house from him. This section was called the Spirit of Aviation and was dedicated to all things aeronautic. The wow factor was established off the bad with a dizzying display of dozens of model aircraft hanging from the ceiling and seeming to dart in every direction.
Accompanying the aircrafts were recreations of different scenes from aviation history including a full air base diner and the barn where The Wright Brothers stored their first plane.
Leaving the Spirit of Aviation, I was greeted by yet another of the House’s elaborate doll houses. This one looked like perhaps somebody was home:
Next up was one of the most famous rooms in the House, the World’s Largest Indoor Carousel. This dazzling monstrosity is at least two stories high and features 269 carousel animals, 182 chandeliers, over 20,000 lights, and hundreds of mannequin angels hanging from the ceiling for a truly insane and surreal experience.
Everywhere you looked there was something ridiculous to take in, and it’s not like anything I’ve ever seen before. The craftsmanship on each creature was as impressive as the overall effect was overwhelming. It was here I heard my favorite quote of the day as a young girl took everything in, turned to her mom, and said "These are all nightmares.”
In one hilarious touch very indicative of Alex’s sense of mischief, none of the 269 animals on the carousel are horses because that would be far too traditional. To compensate however, one wall of the room was lined up floor to ceiling with all the horses that weren’t included on the ride itself.
It’s hard to capture the sensory overload that is the carousel room, but here’s a short video someone took so you can at least see it in motion:
In one corner of the room was possibly the craziest doorway I’ve ever seen in the form of the big gaping maw of some kind of demon with a red-painted hallway leading down its throat into the next room. Lest this seem too devilish, there were tons of angels and a row of bells hanging above the entrance as well so you don’t really know were you’re standing theologically speaking.
The first thing I saw at the other end of demon was this hilariously Wisconsin display of different sculpted kegs and moonshine jugs:
The next section was one of the craziest ones yet. It was called the Organ Room and it felt like a surreal mismatch of everything that had come before all jumbled together. It wows you right out the gate with a monstrous chandelier made out of smaller chandeliers just because.
The Organ Room is so-named because visitors are supposed to get the impression of being inside one giant pipe organ, so large pipes, bits of machinery, and literal bells and whistles abound, while actual organs and music machines (naturally) suffuse the room with actual music. Walking around this steampunk wonderland, there are catwalks and spiral staircases so you can see everything unfold on multiple levels, plus you get to feel a little bit like the Phantom of the Opera which is always nice.
Some random highlights hidden throughout the machinery included: a music machine that appears to be made out of Nativity scene figures of The Three Wise Men; a small music machine that appears to contain a cowboy and a nun hanging out; a diorama featuring an unfortunate ocean liner dashed upon an icy shore; a display of beautifully carved beer steins; a large sculpture of a nude woman posing with a saber toothed tiger (which is actually at the center of most pipe organs); a large three-dimensional scene of a small boat battling a storm incredibly designed to look like a painting has come to life; a massive console for one of the largest electric organs ever built (which reminds me of Brian DePalma’s delightfully gonzo rock opera the Phantom of the Paradise); and a pipe organ with an angelic Madonna figure in the center singing lead soprano.
One of the most beautiful and impressive pieces in the organ room was this gigantic wooden clock with every expertly carved cog on full display:
I took a detour down a hallway that was full of Western items including carved cattle horns and some dynamic bronze cavalry men possibly sculpted by the great Frederick Remington.
It turns out the hallway led to the Inspiration Point cafe which featured funky architecture and crazy indoor woodland dioramas because why should any part of the grounds not be absolutely insane. While researching the House for this post, I saw someone refer to it being Oz-like and I have to say that’s not too far off.
From the cafe, I took a little walk in the woods to see the original rock that Alex used to camp on and to get a view of the Infinity Room from Below. This was the first time I’d seen the outside in literally a few hours, and I have no idea how I got here from the main house proper but luckily I had a beautiful day so I just enjoyed the fresh air and tried not to think to hard about the baffling layout of the grounds.
From the outside, I thought the cafe actually looked quite sleek with its rounded roof and big glass windows, but luckily there was a massive ceramic flower pot with fake lizards crawling around to make sure some sense of quirk was still intact.
There was also just casually an antique cannon parked among the cafe tables on the patio because why not?
Back inside, I made my through the rest of the Organ Room which at no point got any less crazy:
Though I suspect this stein that looks like a screaming bearded man may take the cake as the single craziest item I encountered. Can you even imagine watching someone casually drinking out of that?
Last but not least, the next rooms of the House were called the Galleries featuring the rest of the pieces from Alex’s various collections. First up were several towns worth of incredible dollhouses, and naturally there were still one or two music machines throughout just in case visitors somehow made it to this point with a few of their tokens in tow.
Next up was the Circus Room which featured a scale model circus rendered with lovingly insane attention to detail. At this point, my phone died after 3+ of dutifully snapping photos of all this madness, so you can’t get a full sense of just how massive this circus is, but it takes up several rooms and seems to just keep going! In the photo I did get, you can just barely make out my favorite part in the bottom left-hand corner of a bunch of elements assembling into a pyramid.
The galleries that sadly went undocumented included hundred of animatronic figurines, a collection of vintage weapons including a gun made from the artificial leg, more pieces of Asian art including whole cities carved out of ivory tusks, rooms filled with different suits of armor including armor that was intended to be worn by an elephant, a room filled with all sorts of decadent jewelry, and then ending with this absolutely insane contraption for one last wow from Alex called the Doll Carousel:
After getting the full House on The Rock experience, I circled my way through the gardens back up to the visitor center. Passing through the gift shop, I saw that they also had a candy shop and perhaps a stronger man than I could have resisted this peanut butter cup fudge bar but alas I was doomed the moment I saw it.
If you want to see more of the house than I was able to document (believe it or not there’s so much more), there are tons of walkthrough videos on youtube that are fun, but truly this strange tourist trap wonderland really needs to be seen to be believed.
After the House, the rest of my day was spent driving to Iowa to prepare for the week ahead. To fuel my departure, I stopped at a rare non-East Coast Dunkin Donuts for some quick iced coffee that helped me wake and reminded me of home.
For dinner, I went through the drive-thru of a Culver’s, a fast-food staple of the MidWest and honestly one of the restaurants I had recommended to me the most. I probably should have ordered their signature Butter Burger, but when it comes to fast food, I’ve always been a sucker for chicken tendies so I scratched that particular comfort food itch and got a vanilla frozen custard to wash it down. The chicken was tasty but on par with other fast food joints, but the frozen custard was a true highlight and I think a big part of Culver’s winning reputation.
A short two hour drive later and I arrived in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, and promptly passed right out after a long and wonderfully strange cap on this excellent week in Wisconsin.
Favorite Random Sightings: an oddly intense billboard proclaiming in all caps “4 YEAR OLD KINDERGARTEN”; an advertisement for a terribly named product called Fish Nips; a jewelry store called The Opal Man; a furniture store called Der Dutchman’s Furniture; and a horribly punny billboard saying “Meat the Best”
Regional Observations: I hadn’t realized ahead of time that I would be driving over the Mississippi River on my way into Iowa but the Ol’ Muddy is never not breathtaking
Albums Listened To: a Hodgepodge from the Unknown Album section of my iTunes. Today’s line-up included: Salty Dog by Flogging Molly; I Still Believe by Frank Turner; Singin’ In the Rain by Gene Kelly; Kiss Me Deadly by Generation X; Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangsta by Ghetto Boys; Immigrant Punk by Gogol Bordello; Superman and Just Like Heaven (Cure cover) by Goldfinger; Long Way Down by Goo Goo Dolls; Hitchin’ a Ride and Minority by Green Day; Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger; Search and Destroy and 1969 by Iggy Pop and the Stooges; So Much by The Impossibles; If Assholes Got Awards, I’d Have a Trophy Case by Infamous Jake & the Pinstripe Mafia; Voodoo Problems by TimG (a Jim Hendrix and Jay-Z Mashup); Time Machine and Flippity Floppity by Jeffrey Lewis; a Live Recording of my brother, my sister, and my dad all playing together which I Affectionately named the Jim Palana Jam Band Jamboree; Bleed American by Jimmy Eat World; and Coma Girl by Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros
Joke of the Day:
A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
"You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell".
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow"?
Horrified the grandma replies, "You're not coming empty-handed are you"?
Wisconsin Superlatives:
Favorite Restaurant: For food, it’s a toss up between the Swingin’ Door Exchange in Milwaukee and the Black Pig in Sheboygan, but Safehouse in Milwaukee is the craziest dining experience
Favorite Bar: Milwaukee Ale House
Favorite Beer: Spotted Cow from New Glarus Brewing Company
Favorite Coffeeshop: Alderaan Coffee in Milwaukee
Favorite Open Mic: Comedy on State in Madison
Favorite Attraction: Well it’s got to be the House on the Rock for sheer uniqueness but all the art museums I went to in Sheboygan, Madison, and Milwaukee were really top tier.
General Impression of the WI Comedy Scene: I don’t think I saw as much as I could have because I was more focused on seeing friends in the first half of the week, but the mics I made it to were all very strong and very supportive. I think having a dedicated comedy club in Madison gives them a real edge because it was super well attended by comics and non-comics alike which is a real treat that is usually not guaranteed at mics. I found in general comics had a bit of a conversational vibe and had a really fun way with words. I didn’t go to a ton of mics but each one I went to, I ended up staying late just hanging out with other comics I just met and chatting which is always a good sign for the sense of community and welcomeness in a scene.
Songs of the Day:
Arena Folk-Punk
One of my All TIme Favorite Movies
Li’l Baby Billy Idol
An iconic song that will forever be associated with Office Space in my brain
dangerously catchy
the family band