ID Day 4 - Porcelain, Potatoes, and Poutine
Today started with the very pleasant discovery that my AirBnB host had a signed photo of Jim Carey that said “Spank you very much!”. I would love to know the story of how it got there, but there’s also something sort of wonderful about the mystery of it all. However it came to be in this house in Boise, I took it as a good omen for the day to come.
I started the day by getting some coffee at a local spot called Dawson Taylor Coffee Roasters that had a sleek but homey vibe and some mighty tasty cold brew. I needed all the caffeine I could get, because I was planning on making the most of a night without an open mic, by driving 3 hours across the width of the state to see some funky museums in East Idaho.
The first museum I visited was called The Museum of Clean, a monumental 75,000 sq. ft museum dedicated to the broad concept of cleanliness. It was founded by Don Aslett, an entrepreneur/author/motivational speaker, who co-founded Varsity Contractors when he was 22. The company started as a small house cleaning service and grew into a multi-million dollar janitorial contracting business. Don’s written over 40 books about cleaning homes and businesses, offering tips and tricks for reducing clutter and picking the right cleaning tools and supplies. His philosophy is a that cleanliness extends beyond just a home, and that removing junk and leading a clean life is one of the keys to true happiness. His sprawling museum seeks to espouse these virtues of cleanliness, while giving guests a unique educational and entertaining experience. He’s a big proponent of the idea that cleaning doesn’t have to be a chore and that making it fun and funny will help more people (especially messy young folks like myself) take his messages to heart. This sense of humor really shines throughout the museum, which makes a potentially very dull subject such as the history of cleaning supplies really come alive with a light and playful touch. I’d read about this museum being a must-see, but I’ll be honest I was pretty skeptical and unsure of just how it was going to fill such a giant space, but as soon as I walked in I was greeted by these two guards wearing cleaning supply armor (complete with an awfully impractical seeming colander bustier) and I knew I was going to enjoy this totally bizarre labor of love.
The museum’s subject is so broad that the displays are really all over the map too, looking at this history of different objects, the cultural impact of different cleaning practices and ideas, the artistic potential of cleaning supplies, and what you can do to make your life cleaner. The first big set piece was a replica of Puffing Billy, the world’s first Powered Vacuum, which was invented in 1901 by Hubert Cecil Booth, and used a little gasoline powered piston system to effectively suck up dirt. Booth advertised his incredible new invention by taking it around in a horse drawn carriage and demonstrating how to use it for amazed onlookers. The idea of people gathering around to watch a man vacuum is such a hilariously boring idea for an outing by modern standards, but I sort of love that people wanted to see something new so badly that for a brief time a traveling vacuumer could live like a rockstar.
Not all the historical anecdotes in the museum were to be trusted though, because alongside fun real tidbits like puffing Billy were total fabrications to keep visitors on their toes. These included displays about Robbie the Racoon the world’s first Janitor in the Garden of Eden and about the Bavarian Mop Hound. which the museum claims the Royal House of Bavaria bred and trained to rub its belly across messy floors because they lacked really good mops and didn’t want to gain a reputation around as the “weak moppers of Europe”.
Like the prank displays, the museum was also sprinkled with different sculptures made out of various cleaning surprise ranging from dinosaurs to robots to traveling salesmen. These sculptures were really clever displays of creativity and artistry, but they also served as fun illustrations of all the potential ways things that seem like junk can be recycled and find new purpose.
My favorite sculptural work was a large installation called the Orchestra of Clean which featured a dozen or so sculpted musicians playing instruments made out of cleaning supplies including toilet seat harps and ironing board keyboards. My favorite part though was just how motley an assembled crew the orchestra was featuring aliens, pirates, trolls, devils, and even Napoleon. It’s nice that they were all able to put aside their various differences and get a band together.
To show off more traditional artwork, the museum had a little art space filled with paintings, photos, posters, and ceramics related in some way to the concept of clean. It was truly surprising to see just how many different artists had in some way chosen to represent people in the act of cleaning. In hindsight it makes sense given how prevalent scenes of domesticity are throughout art history, but it’s easy to overlook something until someone fills an entire room with it. Some highlights for me were: an ancient bronze Stirgil from 450 B.C.E. era Rome which was used in the days before soap existed to scrape dirt from the body (equal parts fascinating and super gross) and psychedelic painting of soap bubbles in the wind entitled Purity’s Quest.
My favorite piece though was another historical prank tucked in the corner of the art gallery: the mummified (or more accurately mop-ified) remains of King Tut’s janitor. The Starry Night toilet seat right above him is a nice touch as well.
Up next was a gallery of pre-electric cleaning machines, some of the oldest items in the museum’s collection dating back to the early 1800s. It’s really neat (sorry) to get to see the evolution of washing and sweeping unfold, and to see how both technologies and aesthetics grew and changed to reflect the different time periods. Visitors could try out some of the less fragile early sweepers, which added a bit more of an engaging element to gallery, and the walls were all adorned with clocks made of cleaning supplies displaying the time in different time zones around the world just to add a dash of quirkiness.
If at this point you wanted to study up on how to improve your cleaning technique, there was an information center complete with all of Don’s own books and some of his favorites. You just had to get by the very intimidating guards first.
The next gallery featured vintage posters for different cleaning products which both really great works of art and incredible windows into different time periods and what people thought would enchant consumers. I’m a big fan of the insane bluntness of the slogan “You need only one soap”
Up next was a short trip to Vacuum Village, an intriguing little shanty town of over 300 vacuums that Don collected over the years coming from all over the world and all different time periods. The village is also home to one of the Museum’s Holy Grails (their words), the very first vacuum patent model ever submitted dating back to an inventor named Daniel Hess in 1860. It’s unknown whether or not Hess’s model was ever manufactured as he wasn’t very successful at marketing and drumming up interest in his machine (he should have had a horse drawn cart). I’m sure if you’re someone like Don that kinda rare find is a real gobsmacker, but it doesn’t take an obsession with vacuums to just be impressed by the craft and ingenuity to make something like that or to be moved by the sad fact that in a different place and a different time the inventor could have been a wild success as opposed to an interesting footnote. My favorite part of the story though is that when Hess submitted the model he said it was “for the purpose of destroying dirt substantially” which is wonderfully intense.
Of course not all the historical items in the Vacuum Village were to be 100% believed. My favorite dubious items were a glass jar containing the “last clean air in the world” and two vacuum dueling pistols which were supposedly used to settle a long standing rivalry between William H. “Bodacious” Hoover and James B. Kirby to see who sucked more.
The next exhibit was probably the most unexpected as it featured a multi-story model of Noah’s Ark. “Why would that be here?” you are almost certainly asking yourself. Well obviously it’s to represent the important role water plays in the cleaning process. It may also be to suggest that God is the ultimate janitor as evidenced by the large immaculate cleaning man next to the ark. It might also be just be an excuse to entice young visitors with lots of cute animals made out of vacuums. Whatever the reason, probably more than most things in the museum it really gives you a sense of scope for just how big and broad Don was willing to go with his labor of love.
To continue the theme of water, the museum took a very sweet and poignant turn to focus on the importance of clean water and how recycling and other practices can help ensure that all people and animals big and small have safe access to high quality H2O. I really loved the dreamy nautical art here, and it’s hard to not feel how relevant a message this is given recent oil spills and the disaster that happened in Flint. The little aquarium even had live fish inside! The museum doesn’t just talk the talk though, and it’s actually won awards from the Idaho Department of Environmental Quality for it’s green practices including a rainwater collection system, energy efficient LED lights, water conserving toilets, solar panels, construction using recycled materials, and a rooftop garden that helps generate clean are, uses minimal irrigation, and works as a natural water filtration system. It’s really a shining model of how to run a massive building without making a big environmental impact.
All the green-ness took a literal turn, as the next gallery was actually a small garden in the museum. My picture is a little blurry, but the fact that all these exotic plants are able to thrive inside is a testament to how well the museum is able to manage its light and water usage. Plus there’s just something charming about something so beautiful growing out of a trashcan. Oscar the Grouch would approve (though this whole museum may be sort of against his ethos).
The next floor was dedicated to more object specific displays that show off the variations on different products. Highlights for me were: an ominous catacomb of heavy duty floor scrubbers that look like they’re planning something devious; a collection of “mountain maytags”, home-made giant plungers using for hand washing clothes in tubs of boiling water in the days before washing machines; some surprisingly artistic-ly designed dustpans; and a really interesting display about military hygiene practices through the ages including instructions on how to use a helmet to wash with and an army issue enema kit with the simple but effective caption “Use your Imagination”.
Naturally my favorite display though was on the history of the toilet. I loved seeing all the different materials people have used to make toilets from and I was especially amused by shocking ornate wooden “necessary chairs” which were like little commodes that could be sealed up to hide their shameful purpose. It’s amazing how much skill and craft the human race has put into hiding the fact that we all piss and shit. Who do we think we’re fooling?
This floor was not without it’s fun cleaning supply sculptures with some highlights for me being: a adorable scrub brush petting zoo and some mop-maned hippies and lions.
The next unusual stop was a mock 1700s English City where visitors can learn about the sad lives of Chimney Sweeps, who were often very young children but were at one point in history geese tied to strings and thrown down chimneys. It’s really wild to see how little Charles Dickens was exaggerating his representations of how children used to be treated (or more accurately exploited), but it’s a very beautifully rendered exhibit using a blend of real brick from the building, an original 1800s coal furnace, and moody painting to create a really unique and dreary atmosphere. It’s definitely a lot more Oliver Twist than Mary Poppins, and after getting to pose in a mock chimney I don’t think even Dick van Dyke would be singing if he had to do that day in and day out.
To lighten the mood post chimney sweeps, the next bit of the museum was just a bunch of cleaning based games including toilet seat basketball and a super fast vacuum for launching little bean bags. It was very silly, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a lot of fun.
Up next was a hall of fame of Famous Cleaners, which just consisted of cardboard cut-outs of various celebrities and iconic characters modified with carefully placed brushes and mops. It was very cheesy, but the sight of Darth Vader menacingly holding a mop did put a smile on my face.
The next room was a big old timey 1900s General Store so you could see how all these cleaning supplies used to be sold. Personally my favorite here was the jolly scrub-brush salesman:
The next display was fitting for my travel and all about clean humor. I actually am really impressed by clean comics like Jim Gaffigan and Brian Regan, but i think personally this exhibit was a little too heavy on the Family Circus which I wouldn’t necessarily put in my top ten. Still it was a cute display, and it does tie in nicely (whether intentionally or not) on how ideas of cleanliness are also used in association with censorship.
The last few displays really pulled out all all the stops on inventive uses of cleaning products. These included a display of all totally functional musical instruments made out of recycled household products. These ranged from toilet seat guitars to vacuum powered electric organs to trash can drums and perhaps most intuitively, a washboard. I would have loved to hear these babies in action.
Lastly was the clean gym which had all sorts of functional exercise equipment made out of cleaning supplies including weights, rowing machines, bicycles, and even the most literal of soapbox derby race cars. The idea that exercise and cleaning can go hand in hand couldn’t help but remind me of one of the most incredible episodes of Nathan For You, which you can get a little taste of here.
If this whole time you were trying to picture what kind of guy would found a museum like this and you thought for even one second that he wouldn’t have a toilet seat briefcase then, buddy, you couldn’t be more wrong:
The only thing in the museum I didn’t check out which did look pretty cool was a jungle gym designed to give kids a place to burn off steam and learn a bit more about recycling. The only reason I didn’t give it a whirl was because for once in my life I was too tall for their height limit. Alas!
After all that cleanliness, I needed to recharge with a coffee from a really classic cafe and bakery called Main Steam Coffee and Desserts. It took every ounce of willpower I had to not also dive into the desserts portion of their name, but I resigned myself to just some very good coffee.
My next stop for the day was just a short drive up north to the town of Blackfoot to see the Idaho Potato Museum. I was very excited about this museum, because potatoes have been a very large part of my life in terms of both diet and general inspiration, so I was excited to learn more about them and why Idaho was so famous for them. I knew right away from giant baked potato sculpture and regal logo that I was in for a treat.
Right away, as I was entering the gift shop to buy admission I was positively blown away by this old framed photo of Miss Idaho Potato, absolutely rocking a burlap potato sack. She’s got a big smile, but I feel like there’s just a hint of “can you believe this shit” in her eyes which I really admire.
It turns out it was my lucky day, because all out of state visitors get a free carton of Idaho instant potatoes because they’re not sold outside ID and the museum operators think that just isn’t fair. I’ll be honest I still haven’t tried them, but they were a charming companion for all my long car rides.
The museum exhibits start where any good survey of potato history must, with the ancient peoples of Peru who were most likely the first to cultivate and domesticate the plant on a large scale. My favorite part of these displays were all the carvings and renderings of the Potato God, who is most certainly my kind of deity. In a neat bit of folklore being used to explain really practical life advice, one of the big legends about the Potato God helps explain which parts of the potato are safe to eat. The legend goes that in the Ancient Andes, there was a Good Tribe and a Bad Tribe. The Bad Tribe enslaved the Good Tribe, so they prayed to the Potato God for help. The Potato God gave them some seeds and told them to grow the potato plant, but to eat the part that grows below the ground to grow strong and to feed the bad tribe the part that grows above ground to poison them and become free. Apparently Potatoes are actually related to Belladonna plants, so despite the tubers being one of the most widely eaten foods world wide it’s totally true that the flowers would poison you. That kind of life and death symmetry basically begs to be incorporated into mythology.
Having grown up in the states where potatoes all look basically the same, one of the coolest things about the exhibit about potatoes in the Andes was seeing just how much variety in shapes and colors the plant displays when left to its own devices.
From the Andes, the potato made its way to Europe where it was initially thought of as a low-class food because it grew underground and its starchiness was deemed especially suited for heavy laborers. Peasants to their credit did enjoy potatoes because they were less likely to be stolen in raids than crops that grew above ground. Slowly but surely the potato continued to spread across Europe as it’s nutritional and culinary potential (and ability to grow just about anywhere) started to win out over snooty perceptions. in France the Potato gained an unlikely ally in Marie Antoinette who wore a headdress of potato flowers to a fancy ball to encourage the French aristocracy to eat “the apple of the earth”.
Eventually the potato made its way to the states and in 1872 a single seed ball of Russet Burbank potatoes came to Idaho and started the lineage of all Idaho potatoes to come. I finally got my answer to why Idaho has been such a hot bed for Potato production and comes down to a perfect storm of Climate, soil, and irrigation. The state has short summers, light nutrient-rich volcanic ash soil from the Snake River, and the eastern part of the state (as opposed to all that lush greenery you saw in the pan handle) only receives 9 inches of rain a year on average so the water usage can be pretty tightly controlled with irrigation. The historical and agricultural information was accompanied by a handy diagram of all the parts of the potato plant, and you better believe I was thrilled to learn that there’s a part called the mother tuber.
The next exhibit jumped forward a bit in history and focused on the post-war commercialization of the potato with all sorts of products designed for ease of baking and cooking the almighty spud. I love seeing all the vintage advertisements and I was especially excited by the truly nightmarish mascot for potato nails of an anthropomorphic potato with a nail in his head. I also really enjoyed the cornucopia of retro Pringles cans of different varieties (white cheddar popcorn?!), and I kinda like the dandy, rosy-cheeked Mr. Pringles logo of days of yore. I also think it’s funny that recently Pringles has been making a big deal about ruffled chips when this display clearly shows that that’s something they’ve tried before. Marketing is such a weird and silly business, but it’s amazing how often it works on our dumb monkey brains.
One of the most surprising display of items was a series of pop-art superhero comics and merchandise made by different Idaho Potato retailers and growers. I think it just started as a fun goofy thing to give away at conferences, but the level of commitment necessary to make full comic books and tie-ins for such a wildly niche market is sort of staggering in its own beautifully weird way.
Some big ticket potatoes in the museum’s collection included the world’s largest potato chip made by Pringles in 1991 and clocking in at 25 by 14 inches and a Potato signed by former Vice President Dan Quayle after he very famously told a child at a spelling bee that he had spelled potato incorrectly by not putting an e at the end. Sadly that still makes him a much better speller than some of our current elected officials.
Of course no potato museum would be worth it’s salt if it didn’t also include a display about the vegetable’s role in making strong alcoholic beverages. Potatoes are most associated with vodka, but they can be the base for a number of different spirits including Irish Poitin and Scandinavian Aquavit. Potatoes weren’t even used in vodka production until the 1800s when they started replacing more classic cereal grains. The most surprising thing I learned from the display was that Glacier Distilling in Montana is the only distillery in the US that makes potato vodka (we’re more of a grain alcohol kind of country) and all their potatoes come from right next door in Idaho.
The next display was all about the process of actually making potato chips, with some potato fun facts written on fake potato chips sprinkled throughout. The thing here that really blew my mind is that the Incas developed the first known method of freeze-drying potatoes (a crucial step in the chip making process) for dish called chuño around the 13th century! Chuño’s long shelf life and nutritional density was likely a large contributing factor to the Inca Empire’s ability to really thrive and flourish. The really amazing thing is that Western culture wouldn’t develop the technology to do the same thing for another 500+ years in 1890, and it didn’t really take off until WWII when the military application of freeze-dried rations became more apparent. It’s amazing what people with no modern technologies were able to figure out.
The next room was interestingly enough a little movie theater where they had informational videos starring Grant Imahara from Mythbusters, as he learned about McDonalds French Fries and other not so subtle sponsor spuds. The videos were cute, and it was nice to see Grant pop up in something new (I always loved Mythbusters), but the thing I loved the most about this space was all the over the top fake movie posters where different genres of characters deliver dramatic lines about Idaho potatoes.
In the hallway to the next exhibits was probably the creepiest museum feature which was a fake potato cellar in which a hellish family of computer projected potato sacks talked in mangled Irish accents to “entertain” guests. I think it was so supposed to be a fun and funny bit of curation, but it went so far into uncanny valley of disturbing animation that it was really an insane thing to witness. Naturally I loved it.
The next display was dedicated to probably the most famous potato of all, Mr. Potato Head. They had an expansive collection of Potato Head varieties and merchandise throughout the years, and even a few for you to play around with. The toy was originally invented in 1949 as just pushpins to put into a real potato and somehow it took until 1964 before complaints about sharp objects and rotting vegetables led to the invention of trademark lumpy body we know and love today.
The last big stretch of the museum was dedicated to the hard work and heavy machinery involved in potato farming. Even with such impressive technology, it still looks like awfully intensive work especially to farm crops big enough to meet the world’s current potato demands. I was very happy to learn though that one of the biggest names in potato harvesting equipment is the very well punned company Spudnik.
While the machinery is really cool to look at, the museum did a great job of honoring the human element by including some really beautiful Thomas Hart Benton-esque Wood Carvings of potato farmers at work. I love the oddly organic abstract shape of the frame combined with the lyrical realism of the carving. It’s a very nice accent to the end of the museum.
Last but not least was the museum cafe, because you can’t just show visitors non-stop potato imagery and not offer them a little something to snack on. They do have ice cream, coffee, and soda as well, but naturally the main attraction is the baked potato bar. Maybe it was all the conditioning from the exhibits prior, but I have to say that it was one of the most perfectly baked potatoes I’ve ever had. A little bit of crisp around the edges with a nice soft fluffy middle, and plenty of toppings to go around. It was a great mid-day pick me up to hold me over for my three-hour drive back to Boise.
Potatoes sadly can only take you so far, so before making the drive back across the state I did stop for some more coffee at a place called Wake Up Call which also happened to double as a woman’s boutique which added some very unique flair to their decor. I think I must have come in just when they were starting to get ready for closing because I remember accidentally scaring the crap out of the barista, but then we had a good laugh about it. For whatever reason they also had a lot of tropical themed coffees (despite not being very close to the equator at all) and I have to admit they had one of the finest coconut flavored coffees I’ve had (Dunkin’ Donuts really can’t just quite get it right). It was an unexpected and pleasant surprise and it helped keep me alert all the way to Boise.
When I got back, I was mighty hungry so I went to a really awesome pub called the Bittercreek Alehouse in downtown Boise. The servers were super friendly, the ambiance was mellow and comfortable, and most importantly the food and beer was excellent. To drink, I got a nice rich local stout from Sockeye Brewing that checked all my boxes, and to eat I got maybe the best poutine I’ve ever had (please don’t tell Canada). The french fries in the poutine were all from local farms, and they were positively smothered in gravy, delicious cheese curds from a local dairy farm, and tender braised pork. It was totally decadent but an absolute steal at $10 ($5 at happy hour!). While there’s no real correlation, I also felt like I earned a little pigging out after driving six hours and 500 miles. Even in the nights when I didn’t have open mics or comedy to do, I think it’s hard to say I was slacking off.
Favorite Random Sightings:A sign saying “Free Crab Tomorrow” (mighty tricky); Robo Car Wash (technology has gone too far); Combat Sports (slightly terrifying); A very shocking bumper sticker that said “Get the USA out of the UN” (insane stance, but also it feels like it would be much snappier if it was a word that has U, S, and A in it); Outer Limits Fun Zone (spooky)
Regional Observation: I always thought the Springfield Tire Fire was just a random Simpsons joke, but I was shocked at seeing huge random piles of tires as I crossed the state and I had no idea what their story was. Turns out rather than just junk piles (which did use to be a thing), the tires were actually being used to weigh down tarps covering stored grains to feed cattle whenever grass becomes scarce. You learn something new everyday.
Albums Listened To: Talking Heads 77 by Talking Heads (their first album and still my favorite); Tallahassee by the Mountain Goats (a beautiful, funny, and sad story album); Tea for the Tillerman by Cat Stevens (a very good album that is much more experimental than the hits might suggest); Teaser and the Firecat by Cat Stevens (double feature baby); Telefone by Noname (what a stellar debut album from a unique and talented voice)
People’s Favorite Jokes: One from the web:
After she woke up, a woman told her husband,
“I just had a dream that you gave me the most beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?”
“You'll know tonight.” he said with a smile.
The woman could hardly think of anything else all day and she couldn't wait for her husband to return home.
That evening, the man finally came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it excitedly to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams”
Songs of the Day:
I would have loved to see this version of the band
Really fantastic version
sweet little nugget
a fun stream of consciousness jam
her flow is incredible
probably the most iconic opening to a concert film