ND Day 6 - Sleeping In, Suit Shopping, and Seeing a Movie: A Lazy Day
I thought yesterday sleeping in past noon was a little much, but I did it again today. I’m not sure if it was a coping mechanism from being bummed out about my arrest, the result of last night’s bar hopping, or just long overdue after 10 months of being on the move non-stop, but I’d wager it was probably a healthy combination of the three.
When I did wake up the first course of action was to help Julian move from his current house to his new one. His law firm had only leased the place through the end of June, but fortunately there was another house in the same cul de sac they were able to rent for the rest of his stay so it wasn’t exactly a difficult move. On the plus side, it was such a short drive and Julian’s truck was so full, I got to ride in the back like it was a haunted hay ride which was awesome.
After helping Julian move, he, Sarah, and I got a late brunch at the very aptly named Coffee and Bagels. We partook in both titular offerings, and I got one of my classic iced coffees and a garlic bagel with a hummus spread which was delicious but did wreak some mild havoc on my breath.
My favorite part about the coffee shop though was that they had this weird plastic deer head with bagels over the eyes and a very well-manicured mustache. I have no idea why it was there or who designed such a thing, but it did put a smile on my recently-caffeinated face.
Recharged, it was on to some of my errands for the day, which my friends were nice enough to join me on. The big agenda item on my to-do list was to get a suit and dress pants for my impending court date. When I started this trip, I hadn’t anticipated that that living in my car and doing stand up would require any formal wear so I sent my one suit back home with my parents after my cousin’s wedding way back in October 2017 (the same cousin who gave me legal advice yesterday incidentally. Also Jesus Christ I am a slow writer). I wasn’t thrilled about having the cost of a suit and bail eat into my grant funding which was beginning to get stretched a little thin in the last few months of the journey, but I didn’t really have much of an other option, because being able to get out of North Dakota in one court appearance would largely depend on making a good first impression with my judge.
We went to the Kirkwood Mall in Bismarck and thanks to some deals from JC Penney’s and Target I was able to get a reasonably nice suit jacket, tie, and black pants all for under $200. The cut of the suit wasn’t exactly the most flattering to the beer belly I was slowly developing on the road trip, but I think just needed to look presentable in court, and considering my budget for each week, including food, lodging, gas, and exploring, was only $500 I was already way over what I could afford so function was going to have to take precedence over fashion on this one. I often think that I had a really great budget to do this ridiculous and amazing year if absolutely nothing had gone wrong, but between me making mistakes and an act of god or two, I don’t think I would have been able to make it back home with a penny to my name if wasn’t for all the friends and family who were kind enough to put me up or buy me a meal all over the country (with my mom getting an extra special shout out for essentially being my accountant back home and probably sneakily bailing me out of trouble more times than I even realized). This was an incredible opportunity, but I couldn’t have done alone and I’ll always be grateful.
After a day of mostly doing grown up errands, we decided to recapture some childish wonder by going to the movies to see The Incredibles 2. Unfortunately, because the movie’s villain uses significant amount of strobing lights the movie came with a seizure warning. Sarah has had epileptic episodes in the past, so we decided not to risk it (I’ve since seen the movie, and while it might lack a bit in originality, it has one of the most beautifully animated chase sequences I’ve ever seen). Instead we opted to see a very different sequel, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. The movie was just a classic summer movie, dumb as a brick but a lot of fun. I still love the original Jurassic Park, but the new ones are super goofy which isn’t fully a bad thing. Chris Pratt is essentially playing the same character as in Guardians of the Galaxy, but he’s charming enough to make you not groan through some of the more unforgivable dialogue. I loved in both the two most recent movies that sometimes the dinosaurs just inexplicably do very human things like giving the people knowing nods. Not to spoil the film, but over the halfway mark it essentially becomes like an old-timey horror movie with a dinosaur sneakily stalking around a creaky old mansion and it just manages to go over the edge of ridiculousness enough to be giddily watchable even if it makes almost no logical sense.
The best part of the whole experience though I have to say is that the Egyptian themed Grand 22 Theater in Bismarck had some absolutely stunning architecture that felt like it came from the bygone days of themed cinemas. It was really something just walking around and taking in all the silly, but lovingly well-crafted artwork. Between the movie and the joy of walking around, I really did feel like a little kid again just being taken away by the whole “going to the movies” experience.
After the movie, the lazy day had fittingly lazy end as we picked up a cheap bottle of wine, reheated our left over pizza, and just spent a quiet night in chatting, joking, and watching TV. I’m not sure it makes for the most thrilling blog post, but after a draining week, a quiet night with good company was pretty perfect for me.
Favorite Random Sightings: a store called Dakota Chappy; Mocha Mommy's; Wash Barn (a very rustic name for a dog grooming salon); a jewelry store called Walkers ‘n Daughters (I’ve seen a lot of stores with “and Son(s)” in the name, but this might be the first one with daughters I’ve ever seen so I thought that was sweet”
Regional Observation: I don’t know how this is possible, but I feel like there is a certain kind of carpeting, floor tile, and lighting combination that makes the inside of every shopping mall wherever you go look eerily the same.
Albums Listened To: 12 Golden Country Greats by Ween (an album recorded with some of Nashville’s finest session musicians. The music is played totally straight, but the lyrics are straight out of the classic deranged Ween canon. Also the album title is hilariously dishonest because it actually features only 10 songs and they’re all originals); 20th Century Masters: Motown 1960s by Various Artists (Just I Can’t Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch) by the Four Tops, but it’s a classic)
Joke of the Day:
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural town. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys around, and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in around here. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"
The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer reeling.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
Songs of the Day:
If they didn’t prominently feature the word “mucus” in the chorus you might think it was a classic country song. The line “I think I spent the dog food money/ but he’ll love me just the same” gets me every time
Sadly my court suit did not look like this. It also always blows my mind thinking, that their lead singer Levi Stubbs was also the voice of the plant in Little Shop of Horrors