ND Day 7 - Big Breakfasts, Big Cows, and Big Sculptures
Today was my last full day in North Dakota (and the last day before my court date), and it began quite decadently with a big breakfast from an excellent German diner called Kroll’s Diner (Unfortunately nothing to do with Nick Kroll ). It was going to be the last time I might see the friends who were nice enough to put me up these past few days so we really went all out. I got beautiful monster called the German Skillet which came with a hulking behemoth of a pancake, deliciously crispy kielbasa, two perfectly over easy eggs, and a side of homefries. It might have been one of my more tumultuous weeks, but I have to say chowing down on heaps of good German comfort food with friends was a pretty nice note to be wrapping things up on.
After breakfast, I bid farewell to my friends and set out for a day of massive roadside attractions to try to get the last bit of goofy fun out of North Dakota before heading to Minnesota tomorrow. First on my agenda was a visit to New Salem to see the World’s Largest Holstein Cow: Salem Sue. Ol’ Sue clocks in at 38 ft. long and 50 ft. hight and stands on the only hill in the area so she can be seen from miles around. She was built in 1974 by an artist named Dave Oswald as part of project by the New Salem Lion’s Club to honor the local dairy farmers. The realism on the cow, down to the veins on the utter, was impressive from a sculpting perspective but also deeply off-putting from a viewing perspective. Naturally I loved it, and my favorite gleefully crazy part of the whole site was that there was a plaque with a song someone wrote about Sue to the tune of Joy to the World which goes like this: We've got the world's largest Holstein cow, that looks across our fields./ Her presence shows that New Salem grows/ with milk-producers' yields, with milk-producers' yields, with milk-producers' yields.
I must say the view from Sue’s perch on the hill was pretty special:
My next stop was in the plains of Western North Dakota to see a series of Guinness World Record Holding Sculptures along ND State Highway 21 called the Enchanted Highway. Staring in 1989, a retired high school principal named Gary Greff began making large scale scrap metal sculptures leading to the town of Regent inspired by local history and nature in an attempt to attract tourists and revitalize his hometown. Despite having no prior metal working or artistic experience, the sculptures proved to be popular and Greff, through his own saving, visitor donations, and eventually a hefty artistic grant from state has managed to produce seven (with an eighth in the works) sculptures that currently hold the record for the largest scrap metal sculptures in the world.
The first sculpture you encounter on the Enchanted Highway after pulling off the much-less-henchanted interstate is called Geese in Flight and a row of metal geese lead you down a dirt pull in to the sculpture itself, casting silhouettes that I imagine are either playful and whimsical or lonely and haunting depending lighting. Luckily I had a beautiful day so I feel like things skewed whimsical.
Less luckily, I was a numbskull and accidentally deleted my photo of the sculpture itself, but fortunately there was a nice post-card in the Enchanted Highway gift shop (once you follow it all the way down to Regent) which actually really captures both its impressive scale and its offbeat charms.
The next sculpture along the Highway was called Deer Crossing, and, it featured some enormous, shadowy deers leaping over a fence in silhouette. It was similar in style to the Geese in Flight, but there was something elegant and energetic about it, which to me shows that Greff is getting more confident and adventurous with his art. It’s sweet and exciting to see someone find a passion later in life and have so many come out and support it and watch it grow.
The next sculpture down the road was called Grasshoppers in the Field and broke from the monochrome and two-dimensional style of the previous two pieces for a burst of forrest greens and grainy yellows in its presentation of humongous arthropods in a field of wheat.
The next sculpture was the most recent and possibly the most whimsical and ambitious called Fisherman’s Dream. It featured a whole underwater garden of swaying seaweeds and local fish seemingly drifting and bobbing through space. I think this one was probably my favorite though because it really seemed like it was a whole other world transported onto the plains of North Dakota.
The next sculpture was called Pheasants on the Prairie and I think it actually perfectly captured the doofy expression birds always seem to have on their faces while they’re strutting about their bird business.
Up next was a wonderfully silly piece called Teddy Rides Again featuring the old rough rider himself, Teddy Roosevelt, casting a stately wave over the prairie while rearing up on horseback in front of an amusingly chunky horse-drawn carriage. It was deeply goofy, but Teddy, like him or hate him (personally I love the trust busting and national parks service, but hate the racist and globally destabilizing colonialism) just lends himself so well to cartoony caricatures because he cultivated such a larger than life public persona.
Last but not least was Greff’s first completed large scale sculpture, an offbeat and oddly cylindrical riff on American Gothic called the Tin Family. It certainly wasn’t as elegant as some of the more recent sculptures but there was definitely something striking about it that would make you want to stop for a closer look if you were just driving by.
At the end of the highway, you pull into Greff’s hometown of Regent where he’s set up a number of amenities for whatever tourists his sculptures snag including a gift shop, an RV park, a dinner theater, a cafe, a motel, and whatever the hell this is:
I was very happy with the gift shop which had postcards and scale models of all the Enchanted Highway Sculptures, but most importantly of all they had an ice cream counter. I got a nice cup of moose tracks, vanilla with a fudge ripple and peanut butter cups, and it was perfect treat on a warm July afternoon.
With my sight-seeing wrapped up, I had a four hour drive up to my Air BnB because it was as close as I could find to tomorrow’s courthouse, and I was much happier to just make the drive today rather than have to wake up at 5am drive four hours and then go to court. Somehow that just wasn’t what I was looking for first thing in the morning.
To fuel up for the drive, I stopped at a local supermarket (which has sadly since closed) called the Springfield Market in Richardton to pick up some coffee to help give me that extra boost up to north-central ND.
Over the course of this long drive, I also got really hooked on the podcast My Favorite Murder because it’s one of my sister’s favorites and I would be meeting her and some of my cousins in Minneapolis tomorrow so I thought I’d listen to an episode to talk to her about in and I ended up getting really sucked in. Comedians talking about murder and true crime is definitely not what some people would find think of as great to listen to while all alone in a car in the middle of an unfamiliar state, but something about middle aged woman discussing tragedies they only half remember and then cracking each other up really reminded me of growing up with my mom and her five sisters so it was oddly comforting in a surprisingly sweet way.
At one point, I did have to interrupt my driving and murder podcasting to pull over and take a photo of just how dang flat everything was:
For dinner, I stopped at a great sports bar in the town of Velva called Finishline Burgers and Brews. They had a ton of options for toppings to choose from, but I kept things simple and got a 1/2 lb all beef burger with lettuce, tomatoes, bacon, cheese, and avocado (alright that last bit’s a little weird but I liked it). It was an excellent burger, though the midwest has yet to disappoint when it comes to beef. The fries in particular really stood out for being perfect bar fries with the right balance of crispiness to potato-y fluffiness. It was a great classic road dinner.
After dinner, I finished my long drive and did my best to fall asleep as early as I could so I would be well rested and ready for court tomorrow.
Favorite Random Sightings: De Udder Bar (not an appealing image); Stony Butte Ranch (I’m sure one day I will not be amused by the word butte but today was certainly not that day); Square butte (case in point); Dead Hog Garage (jesus, why would that name make you want to take your car there); a sweetly oblivious sign advertising “BJ sales!”
Regional Observations: I got my first real sun showers today where it just started down pouring despite being a beautiful sunny day out for a hot second. I don’t know if that’s actually more common in the midwest or not but seeing it happen over the rolling plains was pretty incredible
Albums Listened To Today: 20th Century Masters: The Best of Kenny Rogers by Kenny Rogers (just the song from the Big Lebowski dream sequenced “I Just Dropped In (To see what condition my condition was in); 20th Century Masters: The Best of Public Enemy by Public Enemy (just the edit of Fight the Power that’s in the opening of Do the Right Thing, it was a very soundtrack heavy play list today); 20th Century Masters: The Best of The Mighty Mighty Bosstones by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones (just their cover of Detroit Rock City); 20th Century Masters: The Best of The Velvet Underground by the Velvet Underground (just Heroin); 40 Oz. to Freedom by Sublime (I have a soft spot for some of the songs from being a weird ska kid but a lot of it hasn’t aged super well)
Joke of the Day:
A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says.
The two Englishmen just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Maybe we should learn a foreign language...."
"Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."
ND Superlatives (sorry these are almost all going to be from Fargo, because that’s where I spent the most time but the rest of the state was perfectly lovely as well):
Favorite Coffee: Raven Espresso Parlor in Fargo
Favorite Beer: Sodbuster Porter from Fargo Brewing Company
Favorite Bar: Wurst Bier Hall in Fargo
Favorite Open Mic: Dempsey’s Public House in Fargo
Favorite Restaurant: JL Beers (technically they’re a midwest chain, but they started in North Dakota and damn that’s a good burger) Honorable Mentions: Sandy’s Donuts in Fargo and the Starving Rooster in Minot
Favorite Attraction: the Plains Art Museum in Fargo (especially if you can go while the birdhouse exhibit is up)
Thoughts on the Fargo Comedy Scene: I really loved the time I got to spend in this scene. There were mics just about every night which is awesome for a scene that’s relatively small, and I think that added to what a felt like a really supportive and tight-knit community. And of course all the opportunities for stage time leads to better, more confident comics and there were a ton of really creative joke writers. Just a great local scene.
Songs of the Day:
Probably one of the finest dream sequences in cinema
possibly one of the greatest opening credits sequences in cinema. Rosie Perez doesn’t actually have as much screen time in the movie as you might remember, but this sequence was so incredible she became an instant star
I love that it begins with a sample of Gene Simmons telling them they can’t cover the song
some cool vintage footage taken by Andy Warhol